Whether we're at the absolute start of a new relationship, or several years in and totally committed, we all want to be the best we can be at sex. Not only because that means we're giving our partner the time of their lives, but also because it means more pleasure for us. Plus, good sex supports a good relationship - the phrase 'making love' means just that.

Sex on Female First

Sex on Female First

So Susan Quilliam, Sex and Relationship Advisor for Durex, has put together her top tips - ten of them, of course - to help you be the Perfect Ten in Bed.

Use the emotion. Good in bed isn't only about moves, positions, performance or even climax. Getting close emotionally hugely enhances lovemaking, so make sure you connect with your feelings as well as with your bodies.

Perfect 10 top tip: Before you start the acrobatics, spend a few minutes lying close, bodies touching, and making sure you are breathing together, breath for breath.

Don't assume you know it all. Even if you've been together for years, there are always new things to learn. Plus, what you both like and don't like will change over time.

Perfect 10 top tip: Update yourselves on each other's preferences, take it in turns to have a whole half hour of one-way touching and stroking, to learn what your partner likes, what they love, and what totally blows their mind. 

Let your partner know he's getting it right. Men in particular love to know that they're succeeding, so make sure you give feedback. That could be in words, in sounds, in the way you move, your body responses, or even just how your breathing changes.

Perfect 10 top tip: When lovemaking's over,  share one thing your partner did that was amazing - a surefire guarantee they'll feel good about the session, and that next time they'll repeat the killer move you commented on.

Try talking dirty. It doesn't work for everyone - and if it's a turn-off for you, then leave it out. But adding in a sound track to what you're doing can double the pleasure. Try phrases you know arouse your partner… or pin a fantasy of being somewhere outrageous like the Empire State Building… or simply describe what you're doing as you're doing it.

Perfect 10 top tip: If you get embarrassed at talking dirty, try whispering; the softer and quieter your voice, the less shy you'll be.

Experiment. Research at Ruttgers University suggests that novelty enhances sensation - the more you stick to the same moves, the less you'll get turned on. So find new things to do, new positions to try, new toys to play with.

Perfect 10 top tip: A bullet vibrator offers a whole new set of sensations to keep you interested.

But stay with what's comfortable. On the other hand, don't get hooked into constant acrobatics or into changing position every ten seconds - sex isn't an Olympic sport! So regularly make time for comfortable, slow, affectionate, "normal" sex.

Perfect 10 top tip: Try good old 'missionary', but with your eyes open, looking at each other, making a caring connection. For a very different climax, try keeping the eye contact even while you both orgasm.

Get as well as give. It can be tempting to focus on making sure that your partner is scaling the heights and forgetting about your own pleasure. But it's also vital to let your beloved pleasure you. So sometimes, lie back, relax and simply enjoy receiving all you can.

Perfect 10 top tip: Recent research suggests that women may hold back from receiving pleasure because they're anxious. The answer? Focus moment to moment on the body part that's being touched - which not only enhances your sensation but switches off mental anxiety.

Keep laughing. Sex should never be too serious - and not only because if you're laughing you're bound to be enjoying yourselves! Also, laughter makes sure you both relax, which makes it easier for him to rely on his erection, easier for you both to reach climax.

Perfect 10 top tip: Don't be wary of stopping whatever you're doing, taking a break, making a joke, or even having a giggly mock fight to put fun back into the experience.

Break the rhythm. It's a myth that the best sex always involves strong, regular thrusting. In fact, for women in particular, too much regularity can mean you stop feeling what's happening. So whether you're touching yourself or your partner's touching you, occasionally stop, take a break of a few heartbeats, then start again.

Perfect 10 top tip: Use this technique when you're giving oral sex - it'll make your partner crazy; eventually, when they're begging, let them come. For even more impact, use a sensual, tasty lube.

Use it or lose it. Perhaps most importantly, don't let yourself get out of the habit of sex. Bodies forget. So if you're single, keep reminding yourself how much fun sex can be by regular self-pleasuring. If you're together, then however much life intrudes, keep making love regularly.

Perfect 10 top tip: At least once a day, spend five minutes being passionate. Even if you stop after five, you've reminded your body of the joy of sex. And often, even when you're not expecting it, you'll carry on to a wonderful and extended session!


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