A glamorous mother-of-two who has had affairs with 80 married men after the death of her GP husband has admitted: "Life's too short to stick to sex with only one partner." Louise Van Der Velde, 43, lives every day like it his her last following her bereavement - and juggles multiple affairs with various partners.
She says the weeks after Valentine’s are the busiest time of the year for sex cheats like her because it is a wake-up call to so many people in ‘dead’ relationships. The sex therapist says her lovers' wives are aware they are cheating and turn a blind eye because they have gone off sex.
Louise first started cheating in the last years of her marriage to her GP husband, Stephen, 34, who died suddenly 14 years ago. She said: “We decided to embark on an open relationship in the last few years before he died. I have carried on the same way ever since. His death made me realise you have to seize the day and make the most of every day.”
Louise, of Harrogate, North Yorkshire, meets all her lovers on IllicitEncounters.com - the leading dating site for married people.
And this is the busiest time of the year for her with many fresh love cheats emerging following Valentine's. Louise said: “Valentine’s Day is a big wake-up for many people in dead relationships. “We’ve all seen those couples in restaurants on February 14th staring vacantly at each other and realising they have absolutely nothing in common beyond their children and a shared commitment to stay together because that’s what you should do. "Key dates like Valentine’s, Christmas and summer holidays are a big trigger point for affairs by both sexes. “It really puts a relationship under the spotlight and makes many unhappy spouses realise that there has got to be more to life than having rubbish sex with the same boring partner for the next 50 years. “Lots of wives only have themselves to blame when their husbands cheats. They lose interest in sex and effectively abandon them in the bedroom. All their effort goes into their children and running things domestically and they devote no attention to their marriage. It’s no wonder so many men cheat. Obviously men can go off sex, too - and I don't blame their female partners for cheating either!"
She likes using IllicitEncounters.com because its male members are wealthy and are interested in sex and fun without any lasting attachment.
She said: "I am not looking for another husband and I have no interest in a monogamous relationship. I want to meet sexually driven men who are on the same page is me." She has recently been juggling affairs with three married men - one of whom she met after Valentine’s Day when he decided to reassess his life.
Affair number 1 Louise said: “This is with a wealthy international businessmen who has been with his wife for 20 years and has discreet affairs when he is away on business. “He loves his wife but they have sex twice year - once around Valentine’s and once on his birthday. She lost interest in sex after she turned 40. He pointed out that he was devoted to her and their three children but he needed physical fulfilment. She gave him the green light to cheat as long as it didn’t impact on the family. “He uses IllicitEncounters.com because most of the women on the site are attached and don’t want to upset the applecart. They are looking for regular casual sex, too, with no strings attached.
After number 2 Louise said: “This a new relationship which has begun very recently. My lover has been rethinking his life after a miserable Christmas and Valentine’s with his wife. He doesn’t want to leave - not least because he cannot afford to. But he feels that all her energies go into bringing up their kids and there is no time or emotion left him. He feels neglected. “He is finance director for an international firm and he hadn’t strayed previously in 20 years of marriage. He is like a new man now and I very much doubt I will be his last affair through IllicitEncounters.com.”
Affair number 3 Louise said: “This is a gorgeous property tycoon I’ve been seeing for few years who has a very high sex drive and is in an open relationship with his wife. He is one of those men who would find it impossible to stay faithful to any woman. He loves his wife and they have a fantastic sex life. It’s so good that he wants to replicate that excitement with other women. His wife also has affairs, too - it suits them both. The one rule that they have is that they are both upfront with each other and never lie when they are seeing other people.”
Louise has two children aged 17 and 12 who she shields from her affairs. She believes that experimenting with open relationships is the secret to long-term happiness.
She explained: "Traditional Marriage counselling often fails because it is based on a model which has not been not reformed for 150 years - it assumes monogamy works for everyone, all this 'till death do us part' nonsense.
"This is not realistic and not in line with human nature. In order for love and passion to re-enter a marriage, there are other ways.
"This is why living my sex life to the max and educating people about the future of love is my life's work. People should judge less and just have more great sex. You sure as heck can tell the ones who need it most - the ones who are unhappy!" Louise runs seminars for couples and singles to speak openly about their fantasies and what they want from sex through her company Future Love.
Attendees then have the option of attending events where they can have sex with other partygoers. She added: “Around 60% of couples will experience cheating in their relationship. If they were more open about sex, there would be much less betrayal. That is the message I am trying to get across in the events that I hold.”
IllicitEncounters.com spokesman Christian Grant said: "Post-Valentine's is one of the busiest times of the year for us with a 20% rise in registrations - we see similar surges after Christmas and the summer holidays.
"Louise is a fairly typical of our female members - sexually drive women who are looking to meet wealthy men for passion and excitement."