Written by Emma Kenny, Killing Kittens Sexpert, www.killingkittens.com

Start small by simply introducing noises that affirm when he is pleasing you sexually

Start small by simply introducing noises that affirm when he is pleasing you sexually

I love talking dirty, and whilst it took a while to find the confidence required to mutter those first filthy words, the minute they left my mouth, was the moment my sex life went to a whole new universe, and frankly one I never intend to return from. Yes, it takes a little practice and no, it isn’t for everyone, but as they say you can’t knock it unless you've tried it, so here are my top tips for getting deliciously dirty

  • Do it digitally! Ok, you may not be ready to speak those saucy sentences, but that's the beauty of the modern cyber age. You can test the water with your sex interest by introducing a few key statements into your text messages. Telling him you are thinking about what you want him to do to you later is often the only invitation he will need to climb on board the dirty talk train. As you both become accustomed to risqué language, you will be able to gradually introduce it into your physical sex play
  • Start small by simply introducing noises that affirm when he is pleasing you sexually and then move on to saying things like ‘yes’ and ‘that feels so good’. Getting used to hearing your own voice can really help reduce sexual anxiety and the more he responds, the more sexual confidence you will have
  • Be descriptive, because men love hearing how they are making you feel in bed. Telling him how good it feels when he is going down on you and reassuring him how great it feels when he is inside you will be a huge turn on for him. Simply whispering phrases such as ‘you feel so big inside me’ is absolutely assured to take him to a whole new sexual level
  • Discuss the type of talk you want from him. I once ruined an encounter because I expected the guy I was with to be totally onboard with my sexual potty mouth. When I asked him to call me some choice names it ended in a pretty awkward silence and an immediate loss of libido on his part. From that day on, I made sure the guys were onboard with the dirty talk before I asked them to play
  • Understand that it may not come naturally, but don't feel that is reason to give up. Like any new activity it takes practice and you don't need to be with a guy to refine your personal technique. Write down the types of phrases that you want to hear and have said to you during sex and practice saying them out loud. This type of preparation means you are used to your own voice saying phrases that would make your grandma pass out, and that means you feel empowered and in control
  • Phone sex can help you reach new heights when it comes to talking dirty. Taking away the physical cues such as eye contact and body language means you concentrate fully on the language that you use and receive. You can even have the phrases you have practiced in front of you whilst you are talking to him
  • Sometimes getting into character can make a huge difference when it comes to talking dirty. If you are both struggling to find your feet when it comes to kinky conversations, communicate a fantasy that you each have and then play the role. This sidesteps the personal and makes the experience more acting based
  • Tie him up and blindfold him. Much like the phone sex, this means that he can’t see you and it takes away much of the vulnerability that you may feel when you introduce sex talk. You can begin by stroking him all over his body and then telling him exactly what you are going to do next. This means that you get used to hearing yourself speaking out loud during sex play and as you get used to this new territory, you will find yourself branching out into a whole new world of intimacy

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  1. by Misty 18th Sep 2012 20:52

    Your talking dirty article was so very helpful to am going to start tonight with my baby(husband). thank you

  2. by Sandra S 30th Sep 2012 16:43

    Some really good tips, thanks.

    I found that the most important factor of all was understanding what he wanted. I thought I knew, but I couldn't have been further off!

  3. by ciara 26th Nov 2013 22:38

    Omg so helpful I like it