Anorgasmia. What is it?

Are you struggling to orgasm?

Are you struggling to orgasm?

Sex and orgasm should be pleasurable, joyful, fun, relaxing, blissful and more. So why is it that some women simply cannot achieve orgasm?

Anorgasmia is a form of sexual dysfunction sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder in which a woman cannot achieve orgasm, even with “adequate” stimulation. If there is nothing physically wrong, then the cause must be emotional, which is what my work and this blog focuses on.

Pre-orgasmia, and anorgasmia in women is common. Studies suggest as many as 43% of women never or rarely achieve orgasm.

Here are some definitions.

Preorgasmia  which also called Primary Anorgasmia

This is a condition where someone has NEVER experienced an orgasm. This is significantly more common in women, although it can occur in men too.

Secondary anorgasmia

This is a condition where you have difficulty achieving orgasm. You have in the past but can’t any more. This can happen if you feel you have been violated in some way or had an emotionally traumatic event. This event need not be sexual in nature. Any emotional trauma can trigger this problem, as I will explain in upcoming posts.

Some women can achieve orgasm but only rarely, with some having as few as one or two orgasms in a year.

Why orgasms are important

An orgasm is felt as a series of uterine muscle contractions that last several seconds, releasing oxytocin in the process. Oxytocin regulates stress hormone levels stress and the menstrual cycle.

Not only are anorgasmic women denied intense sexual pleasure and satisfaction, but also a deficiency of oxytocin (the hormone generously released during orgasm) leads to

  • stress
  • obesity
  • psychotic behaviour
  • impairs cognitive functions
  • increases breast-cancer risk

So it’s worth thinking about getting this problem solved.

You are Hardwired for Pleasure

Our bodies were designed for pleasure. The clitoris, g-spot and penis are full of nerve endings that are hardwired to pleasure centres in the brain. So why is it that for some people, even with all the right conditions orgasm doesn’t occur?

The Orgasm is a reflex reaction, out of our conscious control. It is the unconscious mind that controls it, which means, rather like sneezing, you can’t cognitively decide to have an orgasm.

You can only create the right conditions and let the unconscious mind do the rest.

Remember, If you cannot or have not achieved orgasm IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  It can be solved and you will be able to enjoy sex, relationships, and your body freely.

Dr Lisa Turner is a sexual energy, personal and spiritual development expert, best known for her unusual and fascinating views on sexual energy, speaks about the unspeakable. For more information visit

  1. by Dr. Charles Runels 25th Dec 2012 20:14

    First, some reassurance:

    It's a common misconception that younger women find sex easier than older women. Many younger women have difficulty early on learning how to have an orgasm. So the first thing to know is that your efforts do not mean that something is wrong with you.

    I'm a physician who has treated over 3,000 women for hormonal problems and sexual dysfunction and I've found that the research is correct: at least 4 out of 10 women are seriously bothered by at least one of the four female-sexual problems (and these problems are more common in younger women): 1) difficulty with arousal, 2) decreased libido, 3) pain with intercourse, 4) difficulty with orgasm.

    Now for how to make things better:

    Though this may seem like an odd idea to some (and not a big deal to others), many women have told me that they first learned to have an orgasm by using a vibrator around the clitoris. Once you get there a few times, it really does become easier with practice. No need for a monster vibrator, or to even use for penetration, just a simple vibrator to use around the clitoris.

    People have widely varying ideas about vibrators. Believe it or not, in Alabama, it's still against the law (and they enforce this law) to sell a vibrator for sexual purposes! So, many are upset by the idea. But, vibrators can be a wonderful tool to help you find the other side of that edge into orgasm.

    For a discrete way to order, has a nice selection. Also, if even that seems embarrassing, then buy one of those razors that have the vibrating handles (take the blade off and use the round end of the handle)--then when you're in the tub, no one needs to know. Not that masturbating is something to be ashamed's just I realize it's not something you want everyone in the house to know you're say practicing piano or reading a book. It's just not their business.

    Important: Alcohol increases arousal but for most women makes the ability to orgasm more difficult. So, I'd recommend no alcohol.

    Also (and this is a big one), birth control pills work by decreasing LH and FSH (so you don't ovulate), but the side effect is a decrease in testosterone--which can lead to weight gain, depression, headaches, and decreased ability to orgasm.

    If a woman is over 25, then she should have blood testing done for sure. If testosterone levels are low, it's very difficult for most women to experience an orgasm.

    Also, there's a procedure using blood-derived growth factors to stimulate multipotent stem cells to rejuvenate the tissue of the vagina--leading to increased ability to orgasm (and helping with stress incontinence). It's called the O-Shot (R).

    The big thing to remember is that sex really is an art that becomes better as you learn more about your body and your own psychology. So, relax, keep educating yourself by listening to your own body and by reading all you can about sexuality and health.

    Hope this helps.

    Peace chr(38) health,

    Charles Runels, MD

  2. by Red head mum 30th Dec 2012 08:34

    Thank you, from experience i had noticed i really startrd to enjoy sex better in my late twenties and once into my thirties i was able to have good strong orgasms and now i've reached 42 i find i can cum very quickly and often, maybe to do with the fact we've been together for so long we finally know what buttons to press x

  3. by mostirreverent 01st Jan 2013 22:30

    Seems like it would be better to use your fingers first and not rely on a vib. Young girls should be encouraged, or at the very least be made to fee comfortable with their bodies.

  4. by Agness 05th Jan 2013 04:31

    Red head mum wrote:Thank you, from experience i had noticed i really started to enjoy sex better in my late twenties and once into my thirties i was able to have good strong orgasms and now i've reached 42 i find i can cum very quickly and often, maybe to do with the fact we've been together for so long we finally know what buttons to press x

    What you think about it .