Are you sexually compatible with your partner? A recent survey by eharmony revealed that 1 in 5 UK adults in relationships believe they aren’t. But what can you do about it? eharmony’s relationship expert Verity Hogan shares her top tips:

Honesty is the best policy

Honesty is the best policy

Communicate Let’s talk about sex…It may be awkward and uncomfortable but the only way to improve your sexual compatibility with someone is to talk to them. Happily, sex isn’t the taboo it once was – in fact, eharmony’s study revealed that 70% of UK adults believe sexual compatibility should be addressed with a new partner.

Honesty is the best policy The more dishonest you are with your partner, the more resentful you’ll feel. Whether you feel you’re having too much or too little sex, or you’re getting bored in the bedroom, tell them. Be tactful, of course, but you’ll never become more sexually compatible if your partner doesn’t know there’s a problem. Choose an appropriate time, be clear but compassionate, and let them know how you really feel.

Boost your self-esteem 16% of people surveyed by eharmony said that a lack of confidence contributes to sexual incompatibility. After all, it’s virtually impossible to feel desirable and sexually confident when you don’t feel good about yourself. Building self-esteem takes time but practising self-care, doing things you enjoy and pushing yourself to take on small challenges can all help boost your confidence in and out of the bedroom.

Support your partner If you’re one of the 27% of people that feels their partner doesn’t make an effort to meet their sexual needs try not to criticise them straightaway. If you’re both compatible in every other way, it’s unlikely that your partner isn’t trying because they’re lazy or selfish. Maybe stress is affecting their sex drive? Or they’re unsure how to ask you what you really want? Start by supporting your partner and gently encouraging them to improve, whether that’s by being more vocal during sex or sharing your sexual fantasies with each other.

Find a middle ground While sex is important, and sexual compatibility is one of the factors that can help to determine long-term relationship satisfaction, it isn’t everything. No-one should ever feel pressured to do something they don’t want to sexually, but you may be able to find a compromise. 37% of people want more sex than their partner, for example, but 83% believe that intimate acts of affection, such as kissing and cuddling, can be just as enjoyable as sex. Introducing more non-sexual intimacy into your relationship could be a positive compromise.

Ask the experts If you and your partner are struggling to find a solution or can’t find a way to communicate effectively, it may be worth seeking expert help. And you won’t be alone; 37% of those surveyed revealed that they would consider seeing a professional for help. Talking to a neutral party can help you be more open and honest about your wants and desires and they will also be able to suggest practical tools that will allow you to overcome more complex sexual incompatibility issues.

Decide if it’s a deal breaker Of course, sometimes sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. 79% of Brits agree that sexual compatibility is important in long-term relationships but only just over half (53%) think that it is something that can be worked on and solved. If all attempts at communication fail and you can’t reach a compromise that works for you both then you may need to consider whether the relationship is truly right for you.