When a pass is made, do you tell your partner? Or should you keep the potentially explosive detail under wraps?

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

When making the decision whether to share the news of a pass being made, consider the reaction you’re really hoping for from your partner.

Like most situations there isn’t a one size fits all response. The variables are extensive but you may understandably feel outraged and opt for a full disclosure, after all you share everything with your partner, right?

Ask yourself whether you could be using this situation to assert, even amplify, your desirability? Be brutally honest. Has the pass inadvertently highlighted a potential problem in your relationship, where your needs aren’t being met?

Even worse, are you using this as a veiled threat?

Really saying to your partner “Up your game, I have other options?’   This is likely to set off a destructive and negative chain of reactions rooted in insecurity. This potentially terminal damage could be avoided if you sat down and talked through how you really feel about aspects of your relationship.   Take this opportunity to consider and communicate your specific needs for affection, love, validation, flirtation and sex. Are you both using the same love language or perhaps your communication channels could do with a clear out? Why not use this as a catalyst for change?

On the other hand if it’s a pass made by somebody within close proximity, perhaps a friend or family member, spilling the beans could be a game changer with implications for the entire family.

If it is a serious violation consider involving the police. What consequences do you feel are appropriate for the pass maker, taking into account the gravity of this specific situation?

Consider your response to the pass maker.   Have you clearly defined your boundaries, leaving the perpetrator in no doubt of your feelings? It is important to convey the implication of a return attempt.

Check your diary to ensure contact is minimised for a while, let your intuition guide you.

Consider all options available to you. If the pass was made at work, there are laws to protect you.

Any type of harassment is a serious offence and HR Departments have clear legal obligations to follow a process to protect you and deal with unwanted attention.

If your response to the pass in a moment of weakness was passionate, think twice before a full disclosure. You could find your partner’s ability to trust is damaged for the future. A high cost for a low rent event!

By weighing up your options and the implications, understanding what’s important to you and what’s important in your relationship you will come to the right conclusion.

And remember, only 10% of our lives are made up from the actual event – the other 90% is dictated by our response. You are not responsible for anybody else’s actions…. Stay true to yourself, no matter what.

Michelle Bio

Michelle Zelli AKA ‘The Real Fairy Godmother.’ is a renowned international life coach. She blends her Blue Chip board-level background with spiritual wisdom and cutting edge science and has transformed her own life from a difficult and dysfunctional childhood to a successful executive.  Michelle is relentless in her own mission for self-mastery and teaching others to find their own powerful path. This dedication has seen her train with the very best globally, and has since become a secret weapon for celebrities and CEOs worldwide. 

Find out more at: michellezelli.com.

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