By Match’s dating expert, Hayley Quinn
Relationships on Female First
We all know it’s a mistake to look for perfection in a partner. Instead what you really need to be looking for is someone who is committed and willing to build a great relationship with you. So here are seven reasons why you should be ditching ‘checkbox perfect’ to ‘what makes me happy day to day’ instead.
Date out of type
They say opposites attract, and one of the sure-fire ways to reinvigorate your dating life is to date out of type. When I’m coaching people who feel stuck in a dating rut, a quick way to shake things up is to question the parameters of what you’re looking for.
If you’d normally disregard someone who doesn’t have that Bachelors degree in education, it could be time to reassess what makes you happy. Be open minded to date different kinds of people, and you could surprise yourself with who you actually connect with.
Book smart isn’t the only kind of smart
We all know there are different kinds of intelligence: some people are book smart, others have a great IQ and others are practically minded, but according to a recent Match survey over half of women say they struggle to find a partner who stimulates them intellectually. Whilst a knowledge of Shakespeare or foreign markets is all well and good, when it comes to building a relationship you may find that someone who is ‘school-of-life’ smart a better fit for you - because a deep knowledge of economics doesn’t end up meaning much, when all you really want is a hug.
Diversity improves a relationship.
If you are too similar to your other half, you might find you butt heads on subjects you are both interested in. A heated debate can be sexy for a few dates but feel slightly onerous a year down the line.
Instead if you can respect each other’s views and learn from your different outlooks, it can lead to a lot more harmony between you.
You’ll have someone to balance you out
One of the best things about having an ‘opposites attract’ partner is that you have someone who brings equilibrium to your life.
Great relationships aren’t about dramatic on/off break-ups. Instead they are about creating stability and support between you.
You’ll have more interesting dates
You don’t need a partner who is smart on paper. You need someone who is really willing and ready to be with you. A great way people demonstrate this in the early stages of dating is by how much effort they put into planning their dates with you.
A great date doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, but by dating someone from a different background, you may just have your eyes opened to some great new experiences.
From your side: stay open minded and learn to go with the flow! If you can learn to give different kinds of dates and people a try, you may end up very positively surprised.
You’ll expand your knowledge
We can all be guilty at times of pigeonholing people, before really getting to know them. If you find yourself saying things like, ‘I’d only date a man taller than me’ or ‘I’m never dating someone called Simon again!’ you may find yourself narrowing your dating pool to the same old options.
Challenge your stereotypes and ways of thinking by dating out of type: in doing so you will always find at least you are getting smarter!
What’s really important to a relationship isn’t intellect
Whilst we may all start out thinking that we need a 6’2” Oxford graduate, in reality this is unlikely to make you happy.
Instead of looking for someone’s qualities on paper, focus instead on how they treat you as a person. A partner who really wants to make time for you, who have similar values and who wants a committed, loving relationship as much as you do, is going to be the real winner.
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