All too often people find themselves in comfortable, ‘picture’ perfect relationships, where nothing is particularly wrong, yet something is missing. Whether that spark you desire has faded, the relationship has become un-fulfilling, or you love them but are no longer ‘in love’ with them, it is time to be honest with yourself and ask, “why are we still together?”.
Relationships on Female First
Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, the Matrimonial Consultant and Relationship Guru, looks at when to accept it is time to call it quits and move on for the sake of both yours and your partners future happiness.
Meet Amy and Lance, an attractive, high achieving, professional couple with all the trappings of a ‘perfect’ and harmonious relationship that is envied by many. They share an easy life, enjoy a high standard of living and get along well enough, yet Amy is not in love with Lance.
Should Amy call it quits on her seemingly perfect relationship, risk the unknown and fear of being alone? Or should she carry on knowing that she will have a comfortable life, even if it is devoid of love?
Although I am passionate to save relationships with real potential, I recognise that at times, it is necessary to end it for the benefit of both parties. In Amy’s case, there is a strong temptation to put off confronting the issues and carry on purely out of convenience.
However, I witness too many people carry on with this charade, living an unfulfilling and in many respects, miserable life and longing for the love, passion and fulfilment they once had, only later regretting their lack of courage to quit sooner.
So, when should you accept reality and call time on the ‘paper perfect’ relationship?
At the end of the day only you are the best judge of that. First, you need to be honest with yourself and decide what you want and need from your partner, then take stock and judge if these are being met.
Ask yourself, have you built strong foundations to hold your relationship together and do you have a bright future? Remember, it is completely normal to have doubts, even in the best of relationships, but if you are in fact experiencing some of the situations set out below, then you are probably already on the path to calling time on your relationship.
A nagging feeling that the love you once had is missing
o Falling out of love is a difficult concept to put into words, but you instinctively know or feel an emptiness in your life. Are you seriously doubting if your partner is your best friend, life partner, confidante? Or are you questioning if you are still in love with them and if the feelings are mutual? If so, your relationship is probably on its last legs.
Unmet needs due to a lack of chemistry and emotional and physical intimacy being non-existent
o Is there a lack of affection and do you find excuses to not touch each other anymore? When you start cringing at the thought of being intimate with your partner, then it is probably due to the evaporation of love on your part. Or, in contrast, you adore your partner whose affection for you is luke warm at best and you realise they will never love you the way you want to be loved.
A stagnant relationship with no growth
o If you are not growing together in your relationship or helping to make each other better versions of yourselves, then the relationship has nothing left to offer you. Supporting and inspiring each other is vital to ensure a good and steady forward momentum in your relationship and requires both to commit. At the end of the day, if you are not working to enhance each other’s lives, would you not both be happier in more enriching relationships?
‘We want different things out of life’
o If you are feeling disconnected and ‘singing from different hymn sheets’ on mutual goals, values and beliefs, then you have a problem. Sharing the same aspirations is key to developing a committed relationship, and the absence of a common purpose and willingness to fulfil each other’s goals will only lead to a strained relationship underpinned by resentment.
An un-harmonious relationship where your partner fails to value and respect you
o Many relationships can appear perfect from the outside, especially through social media channels. However, if you are spending your time projecting a healthy relationship when in fact you are hiding a flawed, and at times manipulative, reality then it is time to walk away – find your perfect reality instead!
Remember it is never too late to opt out and start over. Don’t stay stuck in an unfulfilling and lack-lustre relationship just because it is the easy and safe option.
If you weren’t happy with yesterday, don’t fear change. Try something different today. Don’t stay stuck, do better.
By Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, Matrimonial Consultant and Relationship Guru, on a mission to promote successful relationships and prevent marriage breakdowns in society.
Twitter: @sheelamac
LinkedIn: Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart
Facebook: @sheelamackintoshstewart
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