Call in sick for each other- And be sure to tell the person who answers that you are also ill so they will believe that your home is overcome with germs, and they aren’t just pulling a sickie.
Fight for first place- You come up with reasons why you are the sicker partner- anything from who’s coughed, been sick or to the toilet more in the last hour.
Blame each other- You try and figure out between you who the bringer of the bug was into the house. Was it from someone at your work or theirs? Which one of you has used public transport lately? Or been outside with other people?!
Eat soup and drink orange juice- Everyone tells you to eat soup and drink orange juice when you’re sick so that’s all you have for days on end in the hope that the combination of both hot and cold liquid will bring you back to health. You toss a coin when you run out as to who has to go to the shops to replenish your stocks.
Avoid ALL jobs- Neither of you has the energy to do anything so your home becomes a pile of dirty tissues and old, unwashed glasses and bowls.
Move downstairs to the sofa- With a blanket, a box of tissues. You figure if you neither of you gets out of bed, you will never pull around. So, you force yourselves to at least move to an upright position so the mucus can run freely in the right direction.
Watch TV- More than normal anyway. Because you are forced to either sleep or watch TV- both become boring very quickly and even though you may be off work- you want your health back so you can have the option to do ANYTHING else.
Have very little sympathy for each other- You are too focused on your own problems to worry about theirs so if they have a need- you don’t jump off the sofa to make them a cup of tea or get them some medication. Quite frankly, you resent them if they have the cheek to ask.
Fake how bad you really are- If one of you gets better before the other- you know you will to be the one who has to tidy up and look after you lover so you try to keep to the same level of sickness until you both get well together.
Feel guilty- At how ‘convenient’ it looks to the outside world that you’re both sick and off together. But you know that you would much rather save your sick days for when you’re feeling better.
tagged in Partner