Couples go through many different stages when they get together and one of these is the 'molding stage'. This is where you have your own expectations of what you want your partner to be and you try to mold them to fit in with what is essentially a made up person. It's at this point that you both try to change each other, subtly, to fit in with these relationship and partner ideals. Here are some suggestions to help you get through and out at the other side.

Assess if you are happy with yourself

Assess if you are happy with yourself

Remember that ideals are ideals for a reason- Your significant other is never going to be the perfect partner so forget what you've seen in the movies- your relationship is going to be imperfect so don't punish your partner for that fact.

Keep in mind that you aren't their ideal either- No one can ever meet up to another person's expectations of the perfect partner. This 'person' may have been formed over many years and have some strong influences behind their formation- namely the media and upbringing. So bear in mind that you don't match all of their criteria either, but if you are well on your way, you have a good chance of sticking together.

Be willing to make some changes- You shouldn't have to change your entire identity to for your partner's wants and needs, however there should be some wiggle room here. Small changes can have a huge impact on the compatibility of a couple so try to be open minded consider an alternative. It doesn't mean you have to make that change but taking a look doesn't hurt.

Hold on to what you think is important- You will have certain things you disagree on- all couples do- make it clear to your partner what's not a negotiating point. This way you can go into the next stage with a clear picture of where you both stand.

Rather than being subtle- It might help to be open and honest. If you think something they are doing could be changed or improved- why not ask them if they are willing to make a shift? They may just be in a habit that can be broken once they realize that they are doing it and how it's making you feel. 

Assess whether you are happy with yourself- If you have low self-esteem it can be easier to want to change everything and everyone around you, including your partner. So ask yourself- is this really about them or how I feel about myself?

Figure out who is the dominant partner- It's at this stage where there is a power struggle as couples try to establish who is the more dominant character. Dominance is not necessarily a bad thing if there is only a slight discrepancy between partners- it's when it goes to excess that there's a problem. Two equally dominant partners usually results in a break up, so you need to establish who has more influence and accept that this is ok.

Don't neglect your own passions- Don't leave your own hobbies and interests behind to prioritize theirs- in other words don't lose sight of who you are just because you're in a relationship. You both need your own space and things you like to do without each other, so keep them up!

Embrace the changes you like- Your partner may introduce you to something you learn to love, so if you do discover a new love of something like a new movie genre- you have the option to make it into a joint activity and watch them together.

Be prepared for the next stage- You know when you are out of the molding stage when happiness sets in and you are both content to have each other in your life.

by for
find me on and follow me on

tagged in