Written by Ar’nie Krogh, Love & Communication Coach
Relationships on Female First
IDENTIFY THE UNDERLYING CAUSE
First of all, before we can get our partners back in bed, we need to figure what was the main reason for him/her to prefer the couch than the bed. Has there been miscommunication lately that’s affecting the romance and kindness in that relationship? Has there been a trauma that one partner is facing that’s affecting their own personal beliefs? Or is it something as simple as the sofa or couch has become so comfy after a bit of TV that walking those few metres after a tiring day becomes too much to bear?
TALK
Let’s assume first that there have been deep emotional issues in the relationship. One or both party has felt slighted in the past and couldn’t get over that heartache. The first step is to approach our partner and offer a hand in humility and agree to talk things through. Using a voice of kindness and gentleness, agree to forgive each other in order to move on. Give each other a big hug and start afresh. Make the bed together and go to sleep at the same time and just spend a few minutes talking gently. Make him/her laugh with a joke or two so the last thing you go to bed to is with a big smile on both of your faces.
REASSURE YOUR PARTNER
What if the reason for your partner staying away is due to a sexual issue like impotence or illness? Assuming it’s being taken care of medically, we need to reassure our partner that we don’t think less of them (be honest though!) and that our affection for them doesn’t just depend on sexual connection. We can show them that we can still be cuddly and romantic on the sofa so why not on the bed too? We can entice them with other sensual ideas that may not necessarily involve heavier “thoughts” than that.
DON’T LET CHILDREN TAKE OVER YOUR BED
Sometimes, one of the reasons for our partner sleeping happily on the sofa is due to children taking over the bed.
Have you been guilty of putting your partner’s needs after your children?
If you are a parent, it is sometimes easier to just let the children crawl into our bed instead of them whining away in the middle of the night. Or maybe a few nights of them being ill has turned into months of being the prince/princess of the bed? It may be time to set the record straight. My advice is to put the children firmly back into their own bed (especially if they are no longer toddlers) and our partner back on theirs.
DO NOT NOD OFF ON THE SOFA
But what if it’s just plain old tiredness and laziness taking over? I’ve caught myself a few times falling asleep on the sofa way before bedtime and sometimes, it’s the other half too! It’s so easy to let that laziness take over and pretty soon, our relationship will take a nosedive. If our partner has been doing that a few too many times, then it’s a good time to start taking notice of when they start dozing off. Gently nudge them just as they are looking a little tired or worse for wear and remind them a much warmer, cosier bed is waiting upstairs. Even if you have to help pull them off the sofa, then make it happen.
PUT THE SPARK BACK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Long term partners often forget that the bed is not just for sleeping on it….the bedroom should also be where you are the most intimate…take TV out and ban phones/social media….get dressed for bed a bit earlier than usual to make time for sex…etc
Ar’nie Krogh is an International Love & Communication Coach. Her debut self care book The Architect of Love is available now via Amazon.
Follow @ArnieRozahKrogh for more information