Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are both vying for a seat on the Virgin Galactic and it's first trip is supposed to launch in just a couple of weeks. This could potentially be a very awkward situation during their long-running and heated divorce.

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

We aren’t all celebrities but most of us have experienced bumping into an ex when we would prefer not to. Whilst it’s unlikely you will be trapped on a spaceship together in the midst of a divorce, it’s not unheard of to come across each other on the local high street, in the pub and have awkward run-ins at the gym.

Going through a divorce can be a very painful time for both parties – before you embark on the process it may be best to consider the below if you aim to part amicably, which could make those run-ins a little less tricky.

Try counselling: You have already decided that the relationship cannot continue. Counselling will help you as individuals and separately as a couple to help you emotionally, which is especially important if you have children and so will have contact with each other after separation. Remember there were some good times, try to keep those in mind during the process.

Focus on where you want to get to: Think about what you would like in the future and then work out how to get there. Choosing a method of dispute resolution should reduce costs and also ensure that you can be civil to each other later.

Choose the right solicitor: Make sure you choose a solicitor who is committed to trying to sort things out and not fanning the flames of dispute. They should be accredited with Resolution http://www.resolution.org.uk/ and ideally trained in at least one dispute resolution option, for example mediation or collaborative law. Mediation or collaborative law will help you to focus on where you want to get to and stop going back over the issues in the relationship.

Agree how you will communicate in the future: This is important particularly if you have young children. The communication should be short, factual and not critical. If this is difficult an electronic diary that you can both access to update each other on what the children are doing might be a solution.

Bumping into your ex

If you managed to follow the guidance above then meeting your ex should not be an issue. This is not just for you but also for your children who will look forward to the joint family events – such as weddings, graduations – with excitement for their special day knowing that they can trust you both not to ruin the day with any squabbles.

If there’s been some hiccups along the way - Usually separated partners got together because of at least one common interest which is not going to change. There may be occasions when you both attend an event, for example sports days and parents evenings. Although you find it difficult you need to try to consider others and avoid making them feel uncomfortable. You just need to be civil to each other for what will usually be quite a short period of time. In time this will get easier.

When you know something isn’t right - If the bumping into each other is too frequent with attendances at places and events that they would not normally attend then this is more than chance. If your ex is starting to stalk you this needs to be nipped in the bud. Often a polite request will be enough. If not, then consider sending a solicitors letter warning them that the frequent contact is not wanted. This will usually be enough to stop them. If your ex ignores the warning then you need to consider contacting the police and/or start court proceedings to keep them away.

Linda Lamb is a solicitor and Director of LSL FAMILY LAW


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