Today is National Picnic Day so we thought we would take a look at what the partners of picnic fanatics have to put up with.
The basket is key- The basket has to look old fashioned so she can imagine just for an afternoon that you both live in a simpler time.
She gets excited about plastic plates- Any kind of outdoor eating equipment makes her giddy. She loves to own many different plates and cup collections- but whatever choice she makes they ALL have to match or the entire trip is ruined. If you want to help her pack for your date, it needs to be coordinated or you're not coming. And forget paper anything- she is not running around trying to prevent littering at end of your 'alone time'.
She loves any kind of mini food- Sausage rolls, scotch eggs, chicken legs- dinky, fits-in-a-basket kind of food gets her all restless and planning your next picnic date. So expect her to jump from one leg to the other down the savouries aisle of the supermarket.
You have to have the perfect spot- If it doesn't look like a scene from Up, she is not cracking open her basket (ahem). You may have to drive her around for hours until you find the ideal location that isn't windy, that's beneath a tree for shade, that has a good view and that has enough dry grass for tushy comfort.
The blanket must be Gingham- always- None of this paper s**t- it needs to be quality so it won't blow away- the entire ambience is gone if you have to sit directly on grass. You might as well turn around and go home now if there is the slightest chance she will get damp undergarments.
Seclusion is everything- She does not go to all the effort to have a date interrupted by stray footballs, peeing dogs and people talking crap to one another. She does it for some time away from the rest of the world- if there are others around- she will move on swiftly.
She likes to keep things traditional- Strawberries and lemonade are both perfectly acceptable- but anything that's not traditional picnic fare is not welcome.
You must lie back and look at the sky- It's compulsory because it's romantic and everyone in the movies does it. Even if the sun burns your corneas- it looks like your are having a moment and that's all that matters.
Technology is banned- You are going to have some quality time together- so forget your phone, I pad, kindle, DS- whatever gadgets you can't normally live without. You may bring a book- but other than that, your focus should be on each other and the fact that you have managed to prise yourselves away from the couch to eat something.
Normal outdoor rules do not apply- You may not fart or burp- it might diffuse quicker but it's not gentlemanly.
tagged in Picnic