Experience has taught me that relationships are hard, but people in happy relationships tell me they're not. I suppose I see the very worst of commitment by doing what I do, and my experience with finding 'The One' has fallen flat so many times lately. So where am I going wrong with single men? The men I've chosen haven't all been bad. Some have even been brilliant. None, however, have been 'right'. My question is: how do I find the one who gives you that elusive zing where your tummy feels like it's on the fast phase of a spin cycle, but is also looking for the same things from a relationship? I have discovered the combination is almost impossible to find.

Sex on Female First

Sex on Female First

So, I've decided to take the plunge and try a new site for finding a single man. Over the past few weeks it has been assessing me, questioning me and judging me in order to find the perfect man. I was hoping it would turn up with someone far more suited to my needs than the pack 'em in, quantity rather than quality, sites I've been using in the past. 

As a serial mistress I love the lifestyle and lack of commitment, but have always found dating single men meant they either wanted to move in immediately, tell me who to see and when from the start or play me like a banjo for the duration, until they find something shiny to look at.  

After a couple of weeks of incompatible suggestions, the site matched me up with Steve. We chatted online for a little while and quickly progressed to texts. Pretty soon we were happy to meet in public to test out the theory that we were 'perfect' for each other. 

With us getting such a high compatibility score, I didn't know what to expect: butterflies doing the YMCA dance in my belly and Cupid playing a violin, perhaps? I already knew from the photos and a brief written description that Steve wasn't my type. At all. He had a sweet face, but was almost too good-looking. I usually go for more rugged men, muscled rugby player types – completely different from the suited metrosexual married guys I go for too.

I was worried Steve, a managing director of a media company, was a little straight for me (I have been known to terrify the 'nice' men by my direct approach and openness). The fact that we live 150 miles apart was going to be a bonus in the 'not living in each other's pockets' style of dating I prefer, but it also meant our date had to be better than 'great' for us to make the effort to see each other again.  As it turned out, I was shocked by how much I fancied him.  Although my initial thoughts were along the lines of 'nice but a bit safe for me', I began to change my mind when he started talking about his work, his love of extreme sports, and his need to spend Wednesday evenings in the house to watch The Apprentice. It turns out we both love reality TV (within reason), Indian food and 70's disco music. Weird – I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who loved Sylvester as much as I do.  But what struck me the most was how easy it was to talk to him – the conversation flowed in a way I'm used to with close friends. I couldn't put my finger on what made us 'click' – we just did.

In short, I really liked him. I was attracted to the whole person rather than just fancying his face or body. We had a magnificent first kiss and arranged to meet in a couple of weeks before we drove away. I can't wait to see him again and maybe I've been going for the wrong type all along. Steve brought out a good side of me, and I found myself smiling for quite a while after I left him. It seems the subscription fee to the site may have just been worth it.

Karen uses dating site illicitencounters.com

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