A major Buscopan survey of 250 GPs and 5,000 UK adults found that IBS is having a major effect on relationships. We caught up with Psychologist Emma Kenny to discuss why it's still a taboo for some couples and what to do to make dates easier if you're single with IBS.

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

1 in 5 people avoid sex because of their condition- why is this and how can this avoidance affect your relationship?

Sex is an important, if not essential part of a healthy relationship, but for people suffering with IBS, the idea of getting frisky beneath the sheets can be a terrifying prospect. IBS can cause severe bouts of gas and the sufferer has to use the bathroom regularly. This means that many people struggling with IBS simply try to avoid intimacy altogether. Of course, this isn't the best strategy and can lead to relationships breaking down. If you can relate to this situation then try the following:

  • Know your triggers! If you find yourself uncomfortably windy after certain foods, then avoid them before having sex.
  • Be honest with your partner; you have nothing to be ashamed about and the more they understand about your condition, the more they will empathise with your experience.
  • Learn relaxation techniques as IBS is often linked to psychological stress. Feeling in control of your condition will reduce your symptoms
  • Play music when you are having sex as this will make you less conscious of your body and should you need to take a loo break in between, your partner will be left enjoying their favourite tunes, whilst you relieve yourself without worry.

How does IBS affect people's confidence on dates?

Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience at the best of times and when you add IBS into the mix then it can be even more challenging. Making sure that you choose an activity that you feel confident of can be a real date booster.

  • Avoid eating at restaurants serving foods you know don't inflame your symptoms.
  • Go somewhere that you know has great toilet facilities.
  • Make sure you carry an anti-spasmodic such as Buscopan to take at the first sign of a flare up.
  • Wear clothes that you are comfortable in.
  • Remember that your date likes you and is as equally nervous about the impression he is making, so don't carry the stress of the situation on your shoulders.
  • Focus on the positives! This is you, going on a great date, with a guy you think is hot! What's not to be confident about?

Why is IBS still considered as taboo in relationships and the dating game?

IBS is only as taboo as you choose to make it. Considering one in five people will suffer from it at some point in their lives means that we all need to start getting real. There is no shame in suffering from IBS and we all have toilet disasters from one time to another, so the truth is, we can all relate. Instead of hiding your concerns, simply have an unemotional and purely honest conversation about the condition and encourage others to do the same. When we break the silence, we smash the taboo!

17% of people haven't told someone about their condition- to what extent do you think this happens in relationships too?

The fact that 17%[1] of people haven't told anyone about their IBS condition is a shame, but it's unsurprising. As a country, we aren't the best at dealing with difficult conversations and often we use avoidance as a coping strategy. Ironically, putting this type of undue pressure on yourself actually adds to the symptoms as anxiety is a real trigger for IBS. Feeling loved and supported can go a long way to helping reduce the problems you encounter with IBS. Also, sharing the information with your employer can lead to a far more understanding approach when you need to take the odd day off. Moreover, many employers actually pay for their staff to receive external support such as clinical hypnosis which research suggests helps sufferers keep the condition under control.

What are your top tips for talking to your partner about IBS flare ups?

When flare-ups happen around your partner, do the following!

  • Tell him the truth.
  • Be specific about the help you need.
  • Ask him to give you a foot massage, or a neck rub to help you relax.
  • Practice some mindfulness together.
  • Agree to cosy up and watch a box set.
  • Talk it out and get some reassurance.

How can talking to your partner decrease the stress around it?

If you haven't yet told your partner then it's time to take the bull by the horns. Your man isn't with you because he believes you have perfect intestines! Whilst you may consider your IBS a huge disability, he will just see it as a part of who you are. Whilst it's not great to suffer from IBS, it's also part of what makes you, you. Great relationships are perfectly imperfect, but they are all built on a foundation of trust and that means warts and all. Be straight with your partner; show him all the info on your condition and tell him how he could make it easier for you, during your less than perfect health times. By being practical, you can begin to find strategies and solutions together and most important of all, you will know he is the real deal.

[1] Survey of 5,000 UK adults, commissioned by Buscopan IBS Relief, conducted by One Poll in February 2016


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