Laura Yates is a coach and writer helping men and women through break-ups and heartbreak so she tells Female First readers how to come out of a break up with their heads held high. 

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

There’s no doubt about it, break-ups are tough, especially when you’re the one who has been ‘dumped’. And because those all-consuming emotions are so raw, our judgement can become clouded on the best way to handle the break-up.

Here are my top ten tips on how to handle your break-up with absolute dignity -:

Don’t beg. In those first moments when you have been broken up with, don’t plead your now ex to change their mind. You can express that you are hurt, angry or shocked - but that you accept what they are saying. Save the heightened emotions for when your ex has left.

Take some time to accept the reality of the situation. Allow yourself space to cry, wallow and hibernate if this is what you feel drawn to do. You also need to prepare yourself that you’re going to feel sad, hurt and probably angry for a while. Like broken bones need time to heal, so does a broken heart.

Reach out to someone. Don’t stay in that hibernation phase for too long as you’ll need to get outside of your own head. Call up a friend or family member who can be a support and a positive energy during this tough time.

Look after your health. Sounds simple and obvious but if you can make sure you’re eating nutritious food, trying to get a good amount of sleep and exercising a little every day, this will make you so much stronger to deal with the emotional trauma you’re experiencing – in a far more dignified way!

Delete or hide your ex on social media and delete their number. You don’t want to be tempted to stalk them on Facebook as that will only make you feel worse. And texting or trying to maintain contact with them is like rubbing salt in the emotional wound.

Spend time with your friends. You’re going to need them more than ever over the next few weeks so make arrangements to get things in the diary, let go a little and have fun! Even if you don’t feel like it, make a promise to yourself to try.

Create new habits. Part of why we can take so long to get over a break-up is because we don’t change the things we did when we were with our ex. Try going out to new places socially, take a class where you’ll meet new people or even treat yourself to a holiday for a complete change of scene.

Bring the focus back to you. The break-up has happened. You can’t change that no matter how much you re-live it over in your head. What you can change is how to look at the opportunity it presents. What things can you do that will make you feel good? They can be as small as trying out a fun fitness class or getting a new haircut through to something more radical like planning to travel.

Set yourself a goal. Think about something that you'd love to achieve and that you need to work at over a period of time. So maybe a 10K run or getting that business you always wanted to start set up. Ideally something that pushes you out of your comfort zone. The act of doing something different - for you, and striving towards a goal will really help to move your focus away from your ex.

It’s amazing how the moment you start enjoying life again your ex will suddenly get in touch! If you are tempted to respond think very carefully about the fact that your ex finished with you. Why now do they want to initiate contact again? Chances are they’ve either realised what they’ve lost or just miss you. Either way, don’t go down that road without very careful consideration.

Laura’s website

Twitter @laurayatesUK