As a single woman, I remember thinking: "When I find him, I will finally feel complete. When I find him, I will finally feel happy. When I find him, life will finally feel amazing and not lonely and empty anymore."
Unfortunately, I spent some precious years of my youth, hoping, praying, struggling to find my dream man. I thought that if only I could find him, it would make everything better. "Project Soulmate" felt exhausting and made my self-esteem dip. In fact, the harder I tried to grasp my happiness through finding a man, the more it seemed to elude me.
It was only after years of struggle in dating that I realised that waiting on a man to feel complete and postponing my happiness until he arrived was actually blocking me from attracting my soulmate. My desperate, urgent and unhappy vibe was turning off and pushing away the very men I desired to magnetise.
This one simple yet powerful mindset shift, "Be happy now" was what changed everything for me.
When I embraced this mindset, I realised that I had to stop using being single as an excuse to complain and stay unhappy and dissatisfied in my current life, an energy which men obviously didn't find very attractive. I realized that my happiness was and will always be my own responsibility, with or without a man in it.
Once this mindset shift clicked, I attracted my wonderful husband to me within months. I stopped feeling desperate to "have a man" to complete me, I felt inspired and excited for my own life and I felt a calm surrender to the plan of the Universe for me.
Here are the 5 things you can do to adopt this mindset:
Live The Best Version Of Your Life Right Now
Don´t wait for him to take you on your dream holiday to Hawaii. Go do it for yourself. Don´t wait to pursue your dream career till you´re settled down. Go for it now. Start living the best version of your life right now, so that when he does come, you´re glowing with excitement for your life. The lucky man just gets to join a party that is already rocking.
Know That You Are Enough
It is imperative to, once and for all, recognise that nothing is wrong with you or missing within you just because you don´t have a man by your side. You´re not incomplete or a damaged good. You are enough, you are complete and you are absolutely amazing, just the way you are.
Enjoy Your Own Company
When a woman starts to enjoy her own company, her self-esteem shoots through the roof. Watching a film tucked in your bed with a glass of wine is no longer "lonely" but precious "me time." All of a sudden, you´re not looming in self pity anymore but rather look forward to spending time with yourself.
Trust That He Is Out There
Trusting that your soulmate is out there for you and he will find you while you live your best life is a really powerful element of this mindset. It takes away the anxiety of, "Is he even there?" to a strong faith that finding him is only a matter of time. It also makes dating more fun!
Fall In Love With Yourself
Use this time as a single woman to bust your limiting beliefs and nasty voices about yourself, so that you can feel confident from the inside out. Become your own biggest fan and your own greatest champion. When you show up with that energy on your dates, I can promise you that the quality men will notice.
Sami Wunder is a leading dating and relationship coach, and the author of Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment. As a certified coach, she has worked with hundreds of women in the UK, US and Europe to help them find love. For tips, advice and support, join her free Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/wunderdivas