How can working on you upgrade your relationship?

11 June 2018

You’re in love... or at least you are until your partner does something to upset you!

Relationships on Female First

Have you found yourself having the same argument or complaints over and over again with your partner?

What If, I could show you that the traits or habits you dislike in your partner are merely a reflection of traits you dislike in you?!

Most of us have grown up hearing that relationships take work, that both parties must be willing to put in the effort. Yet where does that get us? We just face the same issues each day, accepting that this is as good as it can get. We continue to get upset over small things that just lead to us experiencing fear and doubt in our relationship.

When we want to improve our relationship, how often do we think of prioritising working on ourselves?

The truth is everyone in this world is responsible for creating their own experience in life. The thoughts we focus on the most create our reality. If we strip this right back, we’ll see that it’s based on the fact that everything is energy. Within a relationship focusing on what you perceive as faults in your partner, doesn’t leave any room to see anything else but this!

What if everything happens for a reason? This means that if your partner is making you angry, there is a reason behind it. Your anger will stop you seeing the bigger picture, but the reaction to your partner’s behaviour actually shows there is something within yourself that needs to be addressed. The best way to move forwards is to find out why you felt anger. What information inside of you feels conflicted?

I have created a tool that can be used in just such a situation. Accessing Body Consciousness (ABC) is a bridge that allows you to communicate with the part of you responsible for a particular behaviour. Here are the five steps to dissolving a behaviour that doesn’t serve you:

Step 1: Identify where in your body the emotion lives by asking the following question: ‘If I could sense the part of me that is angry, where in my body would it live?’

(You can swap anger for any other emotion you’re trying to locate!) Just follow your intuition on this. There is no such thing as a wrong answer! Next rate the intensity from 0-10 (10 being strong and 0 being nothing there at all). This allows you to measure the effectiveness of the process.

Step 2: Accept that this is the way you feel. To do this ask yourself the following questions:

‘If this fragment of me could speak to me, what would it say?’

‘Does it have a man’s voice or a woman’s voice?’

‘If it had a colour, what colour would it be?’

‘If that fragment of me had an age, what age would it be?’

If you at first feel resistance to this exercise, don’t worry. Just keep asking yourself. For instance, ask ‘if I could make it up, what would the answer be?’

Step 3: Next release this energy from your body by imagining it spiralling out, taking all the pain with it. To dissolve the energy say, ’I love you, I am sorry. Please forgive me, I forgive you. I release any promises or decisions that I made to you or myself at the time. We are both free. Thank you.’

Step 4: Now you have a space in your body which you can fill with something positive. Choose an emotion like peace, love, compassion, and give it a colour. Then imagine breathing it in to the empty space.

Step 5: Celebrate! This helps you integrate the new energy with ease and grace. It could be anything from having a cup of tea to booking your next holiday!

Using ABC will allow you to trace the source of your emotions, which on some level will help you to understand the lessons within your relationship. It can help break old patterns and change the dynamic between yourself and your partner. It will leave you feeling empowered, with a life that is ease and grace on a day to day basis!