If its because you want to change parts of his personality, his beliefs and values I have to tell you need to accept him for the way he is, flaws and all. It’s all part of his personality and character. We each have ways that don’t exactly match others and whilst those irritating habits may annoy you, you have to accept that is your stuff, and you have to get over it. Just remember if you focus on the negatives of your partner you are going to be pretty miserable.
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However, if his behaviour is affecting your relationship, because he isn’t treating you with respect, then you need to address that.
For example if he leaves stuff around the house and doesn’t pick up, leaves coffee cups all around the house, while he goes down the pub with his mates, leaving you to clear it up because it’s easier to do it yourself - really?
Or maybe your man goes out with his mates every Friday night and comes home drunk in the early hours, waking the whole household up. And then has the hangover from hell the next day, meaning the day you had planned together is ruined.
If these kinds of things are happening then something has to change and you are the one that need to make it happen. Because all the time you allow it to continue – it will. Learn to respect yourself, because if you don’t then no one else will.
I hear so many women saying that they didn’t want to make a fuss, that they don’t like conflict, and it’s easier to let it go. You will end up feeling like a doormat and become resentful. So you need to change. But if you aren’t prepared to do that then there is no point in reading further.
But if you do want to tame your man then let’s look at ways in which you can make it happen. Nagging certainly doesn’t work, as he is likely to just switch off, complain you are keeping on at him all the time, and all that will happen is that it causes real hostilities, with each of you trying to score points off each other and nothing will change. So you need to have a plan on how to deal with the issues and get results.
Decide on one thing you would like changed – and just one. If you have a whole list, he will just switch off, seeing you in nag mode.
Find a time when you are both relaxed and calm. Somewhere without any distractions, and explain calmly what you find unacceptable and the solution you are looking for. Be warm and friendly about it, and let him know you care about your relationship and that’s the reason you want to talk about it.
A word of warning here – pick your battles wisely, because if you continually find fault with every small niggling thing, he is likely to feel constantly criticised and put down and I’m sure that isn’t what you want for the man you love
Make a point of noticing the things he does do, and thank him, a little appreciation goes a long way. Ok so you do those things all the time and don’t receive thanks, but if you want more help and support you are going to have to let him know about the good stuff. Studies show – as does my experience of working with couples - that lack of appreciation is one of the biggest reasons men cheat.
Do nice things for him, and don’t expect something in return. Just do it because you love and care about him. There is nothing nicer than doing something for the person you love, and tell him how great you think he is, how important he is in your life.
Things aren’t going to happen overnight, but by using these tips things should improve. If they don’t maybe you should think whether this man is worth taming!
Wendy Capewell is a Relationship Specialist, succesfully helping and supporting people get the happy relationship they want, by utilising over a decade of professional experience together with her own life experiences. As well as working personally with clients, Wendy is also an author, podcaster and public speaker.
Links - Website - www.yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk
Email - [email protected]
Podcast - Love~Listen~Talk~Repeat
Book available on Amazon - From Surviving to Thriving in a Romantic Relationship