Any ideas what I should do?

Any ideas what I should do?

We are spoiled for choice now with our experts! Today we introduce Danielle Waller from SpeedDater.co.uk who is addressing the issue of moving in together.

Asks:

Hi just looking for some advice.


I have been with my fiancé 8 years engaged 1 year. We have rented an apartment for 2 years and have decided we want to buy a house. The only problem I am on a temporary contract with work so I am not eligible for a mortgage but he has passed for one. So the deal was we'd find the house etc. and I'd pay half the mortgage then when I get a permanent contract I'd go on the mortgage. We've got sale agreed on our dream house and I'm so excited but anytime I talk about plans he replies with ‘It’s my house I don't want that’. He won't let me have any say on decorating buying furniture etc. even though we are paying half for everything. We aren't moving in for a couple of weeks and to be honest I'm just considering leaving and renting on my own. The excitement has gone out of it for me I know I'll be made to feel like a guest. Any ideas what I should do?

Reply from Danielle Waller -  Relationship expert from SpeedDater.co.uk

Buying a house is one of life’s key milestones, along with getting married and having children. Buying a house with somebody else is a massive commitment, and a potential minefield if you are not married in deciding who pays for what, and who owns what.

Although you did not qualify for a mortgage, if you have provided any of the deposit, or will be contributing towards the mortgage repayments, you may want to explore becoming tenants in common, which would give you rights to the house as well as your fiancé. Considering your partner’s attitude to material and monetary processions, you may also want to consider drawing up a ‘living together agreement’ which would allow you both to set out who owns what and in what proportion. The agreement can also be used to set out how you and your finance will manage your day-to-day finances while you live together, such as how much each contributes to mortgage and bills

However, that being said, it sounds as if your partner’s behaviour, and your potential decision to throw in the towel and rent by yourself, is part of a much larger issue. It sounds as if your partner is quite controlling? Equality and communication are vital for any relationship. You need to sit down with your fiancé and clearly explain how his behaviour is making you feel. Set out all your concerns in a calm and considered way. If you attack him with accusations, it is unlikely that he will be open to admitting any wrong-doing on his part, or be willing to change his behaviour. Of larger concern than whether you want to buy a house with your fiancé, is whether you want to get married to someone who does not listen to you, or take into consideration your point of view.

Before making any hasty decisions, it’s important that you and your fiancé sit down and have a long talk about any issues that you have.  

Danielle Waller is the dating and relationship expert from SpeedDater.co.uk run by Cupid.com. Danielle hosts at least 2 dating events personally every month. She’s responsible for introducing over 1,500 people each and every month. With 9 years of experience in the speed dating world, Danielle has arguably seen more dates than she has had hot dinners! SpeedDater.co.uk is the UK’s leading and most reliable speed dating site. With over 3 million active dating personals and over 80 events a week across the UK, they are not just the longest running speed dating website, but the largest.

 


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