By Rachael Lloyd, relationship expert at eharmony
Relationships on Female First
‘I love you’. Three magic but relatively rare words. Or at least they used to be. New research indicates that we have become a nation of big sharers when it comes to the ‘L word’. Long gone is the stiff upper lip. In terms of location, the majority of people share their feelings at home (19%) or whilst cuddled up in bed (14%), in the pub (7%) or over a romantic meal at a restaurant (6%). Plus, most Brits say ‘I love you’ around the four-month mark of a relationship.
But there are dramatic exceptions. Most surprisingly of all, one in ten Brits say ‘I love you’ within a week of meeting someone, and the biggest contenders are men. Indeed, almost a quarter of men under 35 are likely to drop the ‘L bomb’ within seven days or less. Perhaps this points to a new breed of British males who are far more in touch with their feelings than previous generations, and happily wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Though, frankly, this seems a bit far-fetched.
Cynics might well say that the way to woman’s heart (or bed) is through her head, therefore declaring love and deeper feelings might be a strategy for libidinous souls wishing to turbo-speed a seduction routine. The question is will these young men still be saying ‘I love you’ after they’ve done the deed? Then again, perhaps we are doing younger men a disservice. Perhaps they simply grew up in a more emotionally open culture where so-called ‘toxic masculinity’ - was no longer prevalent. Maybe they were able to cast off the traditional shackles which rule that men be strong and silent types who only well up over the football.
So, bearing all of the above in mind, what are the costs and benefits of saying ‘I love you’ super quickly? The truth is, while some partners might bask in the compliment, others are equally likely to run for cover. Too much intensity has often led to the early implosion of initially strong pairings. The truth is that some relationships do move incredibly quickly and evolve into happy, long-term events. But one week into a romance, what you’re likely to be experiencing is infatuation rather than love, boosted by a cocktail of endorphins and good old-fashioned lust.
It certainly takes more than a week to determine whether you’re compatible and share the same values and personality traits with someone – the gold standard for lasting love.
Finally, it’s also really important to remember that expressing love can come in different forms. For some couples it’s about thoughtful gestures rather than words, such as helping with household chores, buying thoughtful gifts, or never forgetting an anniversary or key moment together. Ultimately, sometimes actions speak louder than words.
tagged in Love