Something I get commonly asked as an agony aunt is ‘can I be with my best friend?’ So I thought I would churn out the highs and lows of being with someone romantically who is massively close to you already, but who you are currently not having sex with.
I believe answer is yes- you can smoothly move from being friends to lovers. Friendships are the basis of many a relationship; however when you ask around those friends have got together tend to be those who were mates but not inseparable. So if they got together and it didn’t work out it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they didn’t speak to each other again.
For a close knit friendship things may be a little different. There is more at stake if things turn sour, will you ever get back what you had before? Perhaps- if you both try hard, but inevitably things will never be exactly the same as they were, but salvageable.
In some cases two people, who are exceptionally close can make things work. That closeness already means that you have probably been with each other through other relationships, so you can gauge how your friend acts in a romantic sense. You will have seen them at their best; before a night out or an event looking ravishing as well as hung-over with their head down the toilet following a heavy night.
Close friends usually share almost everything, so there will likely be no secrets between you two, so no nasty surprises and mostly fulfilled expectations. Being friend’s first means that you can stand to be around one another- you have common interests, views and morals.
The biggest hurdle is probably the sex. How can you move from being close to someone to being close and making out with them? Well it might be awkward at first, given that you have probably not seen each other naked or had any contact of that kind during your friendship. So expect a bit of embarrassment and fumbling to begin with. The best advice I can give is to perhaps imagine that they are a new lover- not someone you have known for years as this could hinder libido.
If you told a little white lie to them about your aptitude in the bedroom that was not quite right- they will know now. Try to get rid of the running commentary in your head that says ’oh my god this is my best friend- is sex going to change everything?’ and start to think of them as your partner instead- not an ex friend. You are still friends- just evolving into something more. Once you make this transition in your head then your body should follow.
The one drawback is, if it simply isn't working- think- Joey and Rachel from Friends. If it isn’t going to work, chances are you will realise pretty soon into it that you were better as friends, even before sleeping together.
I will happily admit that my partner is my best friend. He is the person I tell my stuff to first and the one person I can stand spending lots of time with. The things I enjoy most about our relationship- the fact that above all else he is my pal and always has been.
So what are your thoughts? Have you got a happy story to tell?