Dr Linda Papadopoulos has been involved in a new social experiment detailing the effects of music on relationships. We caught up with her to talk about why music has such a positive effect on your connection with your partner.

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

"This is such an interesting experiment- I have been working with Sonos on. The premise was how does music effect family cohesion? How does it affect how we behave with one another? We know how we feel when we listen to it individually but what happens when we are listening to it out loud together as a group?

It's fascinating- they had about 30,000 people as a group over 8 different countries- 4,000 in the UK. They put biometric monitors on them looking at things such as pulse rate, they installed cameras to look at proximity, they did pencil and paper tests to look at what the participants felt like and how they experienced things.

Some early fascinating results came up- some of the most fundamental were that listening to loud music enhances family life. Those families who listened to music together ate at least one more real together per week. Parents in households who played music got more help from their children with chores- that is may favourite!

We also found that it did things like increase intimacy. Couples reported that they were having more sex when they listened to music together.

If we can take a line through it- there was something about that shared experience of being able to listen to the same thing but at the same time connect over it and help connect in other areas of life.

We are spending less and less time with our partners because of digital devices, so why are we surrendering to them rather than being stricter with our screen time? Do we not realise the detrimental impact it's having?

I think its habituation, it's what we are used to in life. You come home, see your family, put the kids to bed, make dinner and let the cable wash over you. I think it's very much habituation- we get used to it. Anything that we get used to is difficult to break out of. Having said that it's really interesting to see when you break it for about 10 days how quickly those behaviours are changed.

I think the other part of why it's so difficult is that screens are everywhere all the time too. How many times have you checked your phone today? I've checked mine way too many times as it is, I am sitting in front of a computer looking at emails and I have an I pad to look at other things. They are just everywhere. I think you just need to make a conscious decision to turn them off. I think to turn them on they are acting for your attention so it's hard.

Do you find that digital addiction is a common complaint of couples who feel distanced from one another?

I don't think they call it 'addiction' but I had someone tell me a while back that the best contraceptive is watching a boxset. You never just watch one- you watch several and you're exhausted by the time you go to bed. Most people can relate to it and it's certainly something that comes up.

When I speak to parents about their kids at the dinner table- everyone is checking their social media or they report that their partners are checking their work emails. It's certainly something that comes up.

Do you worry that this digital obsession has the potential to get worse and effect relationships even more negatively than it is now?

I think anything that we don't reflect upon has the potential to escalate. I think the good thing is (and why I was keen to be in this study) there similar studies that highlight this is an issue.

It's an important issue and I think it is being increasingly highlighted. Firstly it was kids and screen time but now we are thinking about what screen time does for us. In terms of what physical activity we get, in terms of how we connect and how we speak. Hopefully through that we may be able to pull something back.

Why do couples spend more time together when they are listening to music is it not just yet another distraction?

The great thing about music is that you can do two things at once. You can listen to music while cooking together or eating a meal together or while I am asking you about your day. I think it's one of those pro-social behaviours that can feed into other pro-social behaviours. I also think it's a great conversation starter.

A lot of the families that I spoke to said that they got the kids to choose which song they had for the night. Then they would take it from Daddy's playlist- so they could make fun of Daddy' playlist but also talk about what was going on in his life when he first listened to it.

The idea of a soundtrack to our lives is something we can all relate to. It's a very visceral thing if you listen to song that takes you back- it makes you feel something.

Think about how much music is used to affect our emotions- when you watch a movie- it's scary music, funny music or exciting music, it has the visceral effect.

I think the idea of playing it a room collectively as a family and listening to it has an effect on you all. You will inevitably have that shared experience. It will bring you closer and is more conducive for communication.

Presumably that is why it eases tension and makes couples happier?

That is what the biometrics showed as well. The physiological responses- it was not just about the psychological responses. There was a reduction in stress and people felt happier and more relaxed.

I think with screens its very much paying attention to a plot. With music it allows you to be in the moment- it fits in with your agenda other than you fitting in with its.

I love movies and there is a place for that but I think if you're constantly looking at a screen where you have got to play a game, answer an email or watch a show you can't be in the moment.

If I don't have to do that; I can sit down, listen to something, think my thoughts, speak my thoughts or close my eyes and I can do this all while having this enhanced experience of a song that I enjoy. I think there is something to be said of that.

For couples who don't listen to music together, what advice would you give to them to introduce it into their routine?

I think number one is to make a genuine plan to do it like with anything. Don't just think 'that's a good idea'- say that you can going to start it this weekend. This weekend we are going to divide the days and who gets to choose what and we are going to listen to music.

You can make a plan to shut off screens as of this time and see how it feels. Within that time allow yourself to connect.

I talk about this idea when I am asked about relationships. Relationships are like living things- they are like plants- we need to nurture and invest in them- just sitting next to each other is neither nurturing nor investing. Speaking, connecting, thinking, discussing, reflecting- this is how you connect. I think music will allow you to do that and it's a great way forward.

What about those couples who aren't into their music- is it still worth giving this a go?

Definitely, there is an abundance of research to show that music is good for us- it lowers levels of cortisol or the stress hormones in our bodies. It helps regulate our mood and makes us feel better. The idea with this research is that it can also enhance connections- I think it's certainly worth giving it a try.

Do you feel there is one particular digital device that is stealing most of our time from our partners more than any other?

I haven't looked into that specifically- I think for me one of the things that comes up is that there are so many demands on your attention from the multitude of screens that affect you. If you are not working on them, they are entertaining you, if they are not entertaining you they are making you feel anxious- there is always something demanding your attention."

Dr. Linda Papadopoulos worked with Sonos, the smart speaker system, on their 'Music Makes It Home' study. For more information visit: www.musicmakesithome.com


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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