We talked to ELITESINGLES‘ in-house psychologist Dr. Wiebke Neberich on the proactive girl on the dating scene!

Take charge!

Take charge!

Why do 94% of women prefer to be asked out on a date?

It is the classic dating dance: The man has to bid for the woman. A kind of hardwired mechanism, a heritage from our evolutionary past.

Why is there a gender difference when it comes to being nervous about dates?

Women aren’t necessarily nervous about dating, they are often simply a bit more cautious when it comes to putting their heart on the line. They generally are much choosier than men – a heritage of our evolutionary past, too. Thus, while men on average have a more optimistic view on the date from the right beginning on, women are a bit more sceptical and need to be convinced.

How can a series of bad dates affect your confidence for further ones?

The problem with a series of bad dates is that at a certain point (particularly women) stop thinking “what the hell is wrong with these guys?” – they start thinking “what the hell is wrong with me?”. And this is where the real problem starts. Our dating efforts start running against us, they attack our self-confidence. This is the point where we should stop dating for a little while and start spoiling ourselves, treating ourselves to some TLC. This may mean hanging out with our best friends (instead of one-off meetings with guys) until we are up and about again (maybe in a pair of new shoes ;-).

Manners seem to go out of the window after dates, as women don’t say thanks- so why have these standards slipped?

It’s not necessarily that manners have slipped, it’s more a case that the dating ‘formula’ has changed – these days no one is truly sure who should do what, when. The problem with this uncertainty is that when a shy man is interested in a woman, he may be reluctant to make contact after a first date, meaning both parties are left waiting for the message! Women often worry that they are being too forward if they write a text after a first date, but it’s all about the content – women should avoid anything over -the-top and simply write to say thank you – this leaves the door open for future dating possibilities.

How can women being more proactive help?

The main thing women need to do is just keep the door open. I.e., hold eye contact, be friendly, be interested, and try to increase interaction time through mutual social engagements. When a man notices these signals and is interested, things will naturally escalate from there, to the point where a woman will be able to sense when a man is interested and therefore have the confidence to initiate a date. While the survey suggests that most men are willing to take the first step, it’s evident that more men than we thought are introverted, so when a woman feels like he’s interested but not asking, they should take this as a sign to step up to the plate.

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