Today is National Absurdity Day- a day to reflect on the fun, crazy, zany and absurd things we do in life and in this case- our relationships.
Tell your partner that you're fine- When you clearly aren't- but you insist on playing a game of 'if you can't guess- I won't tell you'.
Promise to change with no intention of doing so- You sit there every Friday night- take away on lap and promise each other things will change. But there you are the Friday after doing exactly the same as you did last week. You haven't exercised or eaten any healthier- yet make the same promise to each other again.
Dry hump- You would never dream of doing such a thing in public but in the privacy of your own home it's acceptable to dry hump each other with no intention of actually having sex afterwards.
Being too honest with each other- You feel that because you live together you have to tell each other everything- pooping, peeing, farting, oddly placed ingrown hairs, period horror stories- the lot. You wonder at what point in your relationship you thought it was ok to start divulging your most gruesome of bodily habits.
Tell other people about your private time- You think that other couples are the same as you and do equally gross stuff behind closed doors, but in reality you're on your own. You've learned the hard way that boundaries are there for a reason.
Text each other while in the same house- It's too much effort to go up or downstairs so you opt for texting because your laziness knows no bounds.
Get mad at your SO while they're not there- Rather than talking to your partner about possible improvements, you rant at thin air or at the very least, have an inner monologue of what you'd like to say to them if they were standing right in front of you.
Wind each other up- If your loved one comes home in a frenzy about something someone has done to them- rather than calm them down and think rationally, you get just as mad as them. You come to all kinds of wild conclusions about the behaviour and motivations of the guilty party and they are banished to your bad books forever.
Pet names- You're the first to criticise other people when they call their partner by a cutesy name. But you also have ones for each other that would make people grab for the bucket; you just don't like to admit it.
Criticising other people's relationships- You know you have your faults but it makes you feel better to talk about the problems your friends and family are having to take the focus away for yours. It would make more sense to tackle the issues closer to home but diversion is a wonderful thing.