Louise Van der Velde
The 38-year-old high-flyer realised after her doctor husband died nine years ago and after a handful of monogamous relationships that she wanted more. “There are simply far too many great men out there for me to settle for just one,” she says.
Instead she embraced a new model where she sees several men simultaneously of varying backgrounds and has sex with all of them.
She is currently seeing a 40-year-old multi-millionaire with a successful solar panel business in Dubai, a property tycoon in his 30s who featured on the Channel 4 show Secret Millionaire and her ‘bit of rough’ – a 25-year-old electrician who she chatted up on a train.
Each man knows that they don’t see Louise on an exclusive basis and all four of them are perfectly content with the arrangement.
Louise, who practices as a sexual and relationship expert in Harley Street as well as her own exclusive retreat in Marbella, Spain, says her model won’t work for everyone but it has brought her happiness.
She says, “If you are having great sex and great relationships all areas of your life are impacted positively. Some people find happiness in a relationship with one person. I have it with three.”
She insists that she doesn’t feel ‘cheap’ sharing her body with more than one lover.
“The fact is, I have a deep connection with all three men,” she explains. “Yes I have sex with all of them but not at the same time. I wouldn’t say that I have a ridiculously high sex drive. The average person has sex two or three times a week – I might be a little bit more than that, but not much more.”
She shields her two children – a daughter aged 11 and a son of 16 – from her private life and stresses that they enjoy a happy and fulfilled life at her home in leafy Camberley, Surrey.
Louise has outlined how her new model for relationships in a new book, Decent Proposal, after appearing for years on TV shows such as ITV1’s Lorraine and Channel 5’s Trisha giving sex and relationship advice where she was known as The Pleasure Professor.
She has been seeing the Dubai-based solar panel tycoon for the past six years after meeting by chance at an airport.
“He is aware that I see other men and is quite happy with the situation,” she insists.
She was introduced to lover number 2 – the London-based property tycoon – by mutual friend and they have been seeing each other for a year.
“He is very sexy and dynamic – I have always been attracted to high-achieving men,” she says.
Lover number 3 is a young electrician who lives near her in Surrey – and is happy to pop round when she desires some excitement.
“He is great – we met quite by chance after we got chatting on the train to London. He is quite young and completely different to my other two lovers.”
She says the arrangement works because she has always been completely honest with her partners.
“I have counselled numerous people and have seen how it can work for them too,” she says. “We are all on a different journey. You have to follow your gut feelings to achieve happiness.”
Louise brands marriage a ‘three ring circus.’ She says, “You must have heard this old classic - it's an engagement ring, a wedding ring and then suffering.
“The quotation's origins are vague, but the author whoever they might be and whichever gender, was spot on in their sentiments.
“The controversial truth is that the state of marriage - and, more importantly, the monogamy it entails - isn't really working for most people in today's society.
“Okay, it works for some, and that's wonderful when it does bring happiness. I've got the utmost respect for their choice but the sad reality is that many people simply cannot live up to the expectations of life and sex with a single partner.
“That almost inevitably causes cheating, marital breakdowns, recriminations, divorce, spousal abandonment and misery.”
She believes many people are deluding themselves when they say are happily married.
She says, “But what if the fairy-tale version of love and marriage we stumbled upon in storybooks when we were kids, is simply incompatible with the modern world?
“Look around you. How many friends are now on their second - or even third - marriages? Be honest. Count them.
“The sad fact is that too many relationships are coiled with deceit, insecurity or just plain apathy, as the foundations at their core were wrong from the start.
“So why in the 21st Century do we still keep trying to make an outdated model of relationships work? Why don't we have the honesty and integrity to admit we all want a bit more out of life?
“Many people simply don't have time for the old model of relationships - get married, have 2.4 kids and then, sometimes, find themselves limited on how far they can grow spiritually or sexually without their partner pulling them down.”
The answer for many people was to take on more than one lover, she insists.
“So many of us are choosing not to put labels on relationships, and instead, choose to spend high quality time with people they adore, where and when they can and in whatever way,” she explains.
“Opening the door to your heart so wide it's okay for people to come and go as they choose isn't always easy and it's not for everyone, I understand that.
“I have spent my career counselling couples on their relationships and sex lives. It's no wonder I advocate a new model of relationships that truly makes people happy.
“If it means rocking the boat to get my message across, then so be it. What I'm all about is helping people become whole in themselves so they can attract the right partner from the off.
“That way we can make ourselves and others happy, without the pressures or expectations that arise from a traditional, and, I would argue, outdated, one-man, one-woman relationship. It seems so obvious to me now.
“I realise this view will be seen in some places as controversial. Some will say I'm advocating free love or multiple partners for everyone.
“Some will say that relationships do take lots of hard work and are never entirely easy. Some will say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Some will say you can't have it all. Which is all fine, of course.
“However, the progressive 
individuals out there who want more, who know in their heart of hearts that they can have it all, are likely to join me.
“I'm living the new model of relationships, and I can assure you, it not only works, it'll help you reach new heights of intimacy, that you may not have ever previously dreamed possible.”
Decent Proposal by Louise Van der Velde is available on Kindle via Amazon. Louise’s website is www.pleasureprofessor.com
What do you think of Louise’s view on marriage, do you agree? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below or tweeting us @FemaleFirst_UK
tagged in Marriage relationships relationship advice Partner Partners