How You Can Cope With A Separation

How You Can Cope With A Separation

Break-ups are notoriously hard to cope with, especially when you’ve been with the same person a long time so it’s essential to have coping strategies.

Dr Pam Spurr, relationship expert and author of Sex Academy, has help us put together some tips on how you can get through your heartache.

  • The Emotional Rollercoaster - don't be surprised by whirlwind emotional changes. One day you’re feeling devastated but the next you feel okay. It's confusing but go with the ride. On a bad day don't isolate yourself from friends. On a good day get on with making your new life.


  • It's Not a Pretty Picture - pack up all pictures/mementos of your ex. Don't panic, you don't have to dump them just yet. Or give to a friend for safe-keeping so you're not tempted to cry over them nightly. Seeing their photos everyday can keep you stuck.


  • Just Do It - what things did you want to do but your ex didn't, e.g., you wanted to go Italy, they always chose Spain, etc. Make a list and do everything your ex stopped you from. As you tick things off, relish these moments - you wouldn't be doing it if you-know-who was still around.


  • Can’t Get Him Out Of Your Head – pals are worried you're doing a ‘Kylie’ and can’t get him out with your head. Try The Heart-Break Time Trick - switch off your mobile, TV, etc., and play ‘your’ song. Set a timer for 15 minutes and think only of him. Do this daily for a week - you'll soon find he doesn't cross your mind at other times… you might even get bored thinking of him!


  • Happy Times - load your mobile, networking site, fridge door, etc., with photos of yourself and friends having good times. Focus on these, seeing yourself as a person in your own right - you don't need him by your side.  


  • Remove the Rose-Tinted Specs - list all his annoying habits and bad behaviour. Concentrate your mind on these negatives when feeling down. You'll avoid the trap many heartbroken fall into - that it was a bed of roses - it wasn't.


  • Beware the Break-up Bore - yes, share your grief but at some point start chatting about other stuff. It's good to start focusing on new things you're doing, reconnecting with old friends, etc. Otherwise you risk being a break-up bore.


Following these tips should get your back to your normal self in no time, and remember it’s not the end of the world! You don’t need a man to be an incredible woman.

For more information and tips on this subject and many others visit and follow Dr Pam on twitter @drpamspurr.


Cara Mason @FemaleFirst_UK