Dating in the 21st century is a daunting prospect, leaving all too many of us wondering how on earth we are to find true love? The internet has created a new phenomenon in dating, changing the singles scene beyond recognition… who chats up a stranger these days anyway?! Why can’t it be as easy as it is in the movies? Eyes locking across a room, sparks flying and BOOM - happily ever after?
Sallyanne Louisa, founder of elite dating agency Harper Stein and her team of internationally renowned private matchmakers, share their wisdom and insights on how to find and keep true love.
What are you looking for in a partner? What do you need in a partner? “Being realistic, not idealistic, is so very important” says Sallyanne Louisa. “Much like with anything in life, if you don’t know what you are looking for, or where you are going, it is all too easy to be in the wrong place at the wrong time missing what could of been the man you would fall madly in love with”. Consider this 3 step task:
Step 1: Make a list of your absolute ideals, think about his location, age, look, values, dress sense, personality, hobbies, interests, career, relationship status, sense of humour, etc.
Step 2: Go through that list and mark which aspects are most important to you.
Step 3: Take your list and whittle down to just 3 top ideals which are completely non-negotiable. For instance, is it important that he’s a non-smoker? That he is religious? That he is tall? Consider which ideals are absolutely essential and which ones are just nice-to-have. Keep whittling down and considering this until you feel that you have a realistic vision of your Mr Right. “Ensuring that you keep true to your values is important”, says Sallyanne Louisa, “but understanding that sometimes compromise leads to the most unexpected chemistry.”
Be in the right places
“This is a lot harder than it sounds, especially when friends’ networks are mostly couples” says Sallyanne Louisa. The first step is to be social butterfly’s; start accepting invites to dinner parties, after work drinks, BBQs, birthday parties, get-togethers, soirees, networking events and even weddings – all of these social gatherings are opportunities to meet Mr Right. Why not make the most of your single friends, pair up and go on adventures together… if you love tennis, join the local club? If you love art, go to the exhibits or showcases of new artists or local art talks… there’ll certainly be likeminded single gentlemen there too. You might also be tempted to use online dating? If you do, make sure your profile is authentic, use a clear high quality profile photo that you love and most importantly, approach the journey with safety in mind and a sense of humour (because you’ll no doubt have some funny stories to tell)!
Dating can feel daunting to even the most confident of ladies. It takes a lot of confidence to step into the singles scene… and that’s even before the first date happens. “You simply must feel comfortable and know that you look your best on a date” advises Sallyanne Louisa. “Make an effort, pamper yourself and then you will naturally feel more confident! Styled hair, a little make-up, glossy nails and flattering clothes all help you to ooze confidence, even if you don’t feel it on the inside.” There are lots of great resources online which can help you to find your inner confidence.
Be ready to open your heart
When your heart has been broken in the past, it is a scary prospect to open up to potentially being hurt again. “Ensure that you take time to heal your wounds” says Sallyanne Louisa “let go of the hurt or resentment you’re holding onto, be ready to take down barriers and embrace new feelings.” As they say, love like you’ve never been hurt before.
Be emotionally intelligent
But what does this actually mean? “Well, it simply means that you understand your emotions and how you react to the emotions of others” says Charlotte, relationship psychologist at Harper Stein. “Being emotionally intelligent gives a great foundation to find and nurture happy, meaningful relationships in life and in love. It allows you to grow a deeper understanding of who you are; your feelings, behaviours, opinions and the responsibility you take for the impact these have on yourself and your relationships.” There are some great resources online and some amazing therapists who can help you to develop your emotional intelligence.
Ladies membership to Harper Stein is complimentary, by invitation only. Should you be interested in becoming a member you will need to be referred. In the event that you may not know an existing member or an ambassador, Harper Stein’s head of ambassadors can help you to identify connections. harperstein.com
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