I know. We ALL do it. You get home from work, too tired to do anything productive and flop on your bed. You scroll through your newsfeed and aren’t satisfied with the two-minute chicken fajita recipes or holiday pictures of your school friends. So… after some deliberation, you quickly type their name in the search bar and…. Click. Congrats! You’re stalking your ex.
Why exactly do we do it though? And why does it feel so good and so bad, in that order? Well, here are some stalkworthy stats to help you figure it out:
We still have feelings
Maybe you still care about them. And checking up is actually pretty normal, when it helps to explore those feelings and get closure in small doses. Dr Jennifer Freed, a family behavioural specialist argues “Looking backward is a way of digesting and metabolizing our lives and understanding our complex feelings about people we used to care for”.
However, if there are words which truly need to be said or misunderstandings that need to be sorted out… then communication and knowing for certain if it’s time to move on is better than staring at old profile pics.
We get jealous
Wait…. When did they start seeing someone else?! When you envision your exes, you want them to be single and as soon as they start dating someone else, you need to make sure their new partner isn’t hotter, nicer or more successful than you. Because your ego needs to know that you’re the best thing that ever happened to your ex. But ask your ego this: is it more important to make sure that they aren’t in a good place or to move on and make yourself the best version of you?
Yup, stalking messes with the chemicals in our head. Lisa Bobby, clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Life Coaching, told New York magazine. "Having any contact at all — seeing a picture, or reading a text — it gives you a surge of endorphins." It’s an instant form of gratification, like a big, greasy chicken burger hanging in front of you when you’re hungry. And it’s always there.
We have low self esteem
Especially if they left you. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow; it hurts your ego, makes you feel anxious and rubs salt on all your wounds. You immediately want to prove that they were wrong and look for evidence that they’re not doing well without you.
Or perhaps you’re waiting for them to come back to you, so that you can either accept them or reject them – boosting your ego by both these ways. Ask yourself this: Why does your ego need to depend on them?
You’re genuinely interested in how they’re doing and have no romantic feelings
This is probably the reason you occasionally go and stalk out an ex, a few years after dating them. This happens when you’ve moved on and would feel happy with them moving on, rather than being worse-off. Be careful how friendly you get though.
Stalking should not be looked down on; it’s become a normal way of digesting our feelings to get over someone. It is most definitely a guilty pleasure. I myself stalk out exes quite often after a breakup, then it gradually grows less until I hardly remember this. However, if you’re want them back and can’t get the percentage of time you spend stalking to decrease, then ask yourself if they’re worth all that time and effort and addiction. Eating a little ice cream is good but constantly binging on it is bad. Get out and meet new people to make new experiences, rather than living in the past.
https://www.bustle.com/p/why-you-cant-stop-stalking-your-ex-on-social-media-51982 jennifer freed
lisa bobby https://mic.com/articles/105346/can-t-stop-facebook-stalking-your-ex-blame-science#.uaEJmtygQ
Written by Tinderella- www.tinderellaworldwide.com