Today is National Everything You Do Is Right Day- the perfect time to speak out to those people who always think they are in the right. Here are ten tips if you fall into this category and your relationship is suffering as a result.

Love is not a contest

Love is not a contest

You’re NOT always right- First thing’s first- it’s not possible for you to be right all the time. Sorry to burst your bubble but ‘right’ is a subjective word and it sometimes gets mixed up with fact. Saying ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ gets people’s back up- much better to start a conversation with ‘I feel’ rather than ‘I am.’ If you feel you are in the right- this opens the door for discussion where your partner can agree or disagree and you can reach a solution together.

Think about your behaviour from your partner’s point of view- If your lover maintained that they were always right about everything and your ideas, opinions and thoughts were overlooked- how would you feel? Not great. Put yourself in their shoes- if it makes you feel uncomfortable to imagine this scenario- your partner probably feels the same.

Talk about previous occasions where you have dismissed them and ask them to be honest with how it affected them at the time. Armed with this knowledge you might be compelled to change.

Remember 'right' is an opinion- Your opinion of what is ‘right’ is not the same as someone else’s. You can agree to disagree in a relationship but it’s important to let your partner offer their explanation rather than disagreeing with them and leaving it at that. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. All couples have points they differ on- this is perfectly normal- it’s how you communicate your opposing viewpoints that matters.

Avoid the black and white attitude- If you see yourself as always right you see life in a very segmented way. You don’t leave room for the greys and the greys are sometimes where the best conversations arise because you have to think outside the box and explore all possibilities. Don’t deny yourself of the opportunity to think more widely with your partner.

Consider that your partner might be afraid of you- Have you ever thought about that? If you are so forceful in your opinions, they may have lost the will to try and offer an alternative. They might be too embarrassed to challenge you in company because you have shamed them before. They might be scared of how extreme your reactions are about something that they shy away from talking to you about related topics. In extreme cases it is considered as a form of abuse, so be mindful of just how much your need to be right is affecting your partner.

If you’re unsure- ask them. If you love your partner- surely you don’t want to frighten them and to hear them say it might just give you the jolt you need to stop.

Your relationship will lack honesty- If your partner feels like that can’t talk candidly with you- your partnership is lacking a significant piece of the puzzle. It’s vital that you can be truthful with each other and a need to be right encourages the other person to back down and refrain from sharing their genuine feelings with their SO.

If you believe this to be a problem, ask your partner to signal to you when you are falling into this habit. If they flag this up for you when you can’t see it yourself- it will help you to readjust your dialogue accordingly.

You can’t change others- Even if your partner chooses not to argue with you anymore- they may still have opposing beliefs to you. If you tell them, you are right- that doesn’t automatically mean they agree- it just means they want an easy life. The only change you can make is the way you approach situations with your partner. No issue in a relationship is fixed by the input of just one person so look inwardly first.

Love is not a contest- Remember that your relationship is not based on beating your partner- you should win and lose things together. Don’t treat your home life like a gameshow where you are competing against one another. You are in this thing together so work as a team and not enemies.

Take a step back- Before you utter the words- ‘I’m right’- take a moment to think about how it sounds. This declaration doesn’t make it real- they are just predictable words that probably mean nothing to your partner anymore because they have become diluted over the course of your relationship. Think about what they mean to you- do you genuinely believe you are always right? Maybe not- but the words might help you to believe an untruth. If this is the case- what is the point?

Remove the burden- Admitting you are in the wrong shows far more courage and self-awareness which generates respect not resentment. Take the pressure off- once you liberate yourself of this weight- your life will have space in it for more worthwhile things.

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