Today is National Walk Around Things Day- a day to address the things we avoid in all areas of life- including relationships. Here’s why tiptoeing around the issues in your partnership is never a good idea.
Avoidance doesn’t fix the problem- Pretending everything is fine doesn’t mean that it is. Burying your head in the sand is only prolonging the solution and doesn’t magically make it go away. Nip it in the bud while you can and move on.
It damages the lines of communication between you and your partner- If you avoid talking about a particular issue, then you will naturally avoid other topics that might lead to conversations about that issue too. This means that your conversations will start to take a hit as the number of things you can discuss depletes. Make sure you can always talk openly with your partner about everything by tackling niggles as they arise.
Sometimes a short sharp burst of pain is better- It’s not easy to talk about things that make you uncomfortable or that you know will provoke a reaction in your lover- but surely it’s better to endure it when its quick and painless as opposed to long and drawn out?
Issues become bigger than they actually are- Most people know from past experience that avoiding an issue makes it gather momentum and then it gets blown out of proportion. If you deal with things as they happen, they don’t have a chance to become something more than they are.
Resentment builds- In the same vein- not speaking to your partner will encourage you to ‘act out’ how you think the conversation will go- which is tainted by your own biases. Better to have the conversation in person rather than anticipating what your lover is going to say- you could be pleasantly surprised.
It might encourage you to speak to other people and not your partner- If you choose not to bring something up with your partner, you might seek the advice and listening ear of a friend or family member. Although this might allow you to get things off your chest- it still won’t fix the problem- only you and your partner can do that.
You will probably waste the same if not more energy- Think of the energy you are investing or will invest in dodging the problems in your relationship- probably the same or more than it will take to have it out with your significant other and get it out of the way. Take the bull by the horns and save yourself the hassle.
You will be creating another issue- Avoidance is putting another layer on top of the issue- then you not only have to deal with the original complaint but also your reasons for not bringing it up with your partner. There is no need to overcomplicate things.
Avoidance can creep into other areas of your life- If you apply this to your relationship- there is nothing stopping you from avoiding things at work, in your family life, with friends or even as a parent. Don’t get into the habit as it can spread.
Avoidance is only temporary- The truth always comes out, so you are only prolonging the inevitable. Better to address it now rather than way down the line when you might not have the same control over the situation as you do now.
tagged in Partner