Confused Friend asks :
Hi Lucy,
I feel as though I'm getting mixed messages from my once very close best friend. We're both at different universities and in our 3rd year now, so obviously distance has caused the issue.
When she comes down during holiday time, she's become very hard to get hold of. I'm always the one instigating to do something and she's always 'too busy' for some reason or another. She did meet with me a couple times. But she seemed a bit distant.
However for both Christmas and birthday she's gave me the most thoughtful and handmade gifts which would've taken a lot of effort. So since the summer holidays and with it now being Christmas holidays, she's becoming hard to get hold of again. She's just not instigating to do anything.
I did mention this to her last time, but it hasn't seemed to have gone through. I'm wondering if she still really wants to be friends. She still seems to care and support me. But she never seems enthusiastic to 'do' anything. I'm not sure whether she's just taking me for granted or if she genuinely doesn't feel a connection anymore.
Hi Confused Friend,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If she still bothers with thoughtful gifts and is there for you when you need her to be, then perhaps she still wants to be friends with you. It could be that she feels guilty at not being so close and doesn't know how to deal with it or talk to you about it.
Perhaps the time away from each other has made you drift apart and she is a little shy about snapping back into the friendship you once had.
If you have spoken to her once, then perhaps you could broach the subject again if she didn't take it too seriously last time.
It's important to remember that your friendship won't ever be the same as it once was. Time apart in different environments with different people will change you both to some extent.
Perhaps you are looking for everything to be as it was. Now you're older and lead separate lives most of the time maybe she thinks it's acceptable not to spend as much time with you when you are at home but hasn't communicated it too well.
She may just not be good at making plans- in which case you are the perfect match because it sounds like you are better at organising your time together. It could be more about her poor ability to plan rather than her trying to avoid you.
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