Jayne asks :

Hi Lucy,

I have a really high sex drive and my boyfriend doesn't, when we do have sex it's really good but getting him to do it is quite stressful. I'm sometimes reduced to tears because I think he doesn't find me attractive, we have been together nearly 4 years but I don't want to just stop altogether!! What can I do?

Hi Jayne,

 I feel he's not attracted to me anymore

I feel he's not attracted to me anymore

Women often automatically think that when men don’t want to have sex with them that it's down to their attractiveness, when actually it could be a good number of reasons.

You say that when you have sex that it's good- and that is something a man can’t fake- so if he looks happy during chances are he is! Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sex too- so if he enjoys sex while looking at you then he clearly still finds you attractive.

After four years the sex is bound to reduce from when you first got together. If you have a higher sex drive than him maybe invest in a sex toy for you for those times when you are game but he isn’t. Maybe the site of you pleasuring yourself might just coax him into being in the mood.

Could you try some sexy lingerie, role play, a weekend away, erotic fiction- anything that you have not thought of introducing into the bedroom that might make him stand up and pay attention?

Stopping altogether might not be the answer as the body forgets about sex if it’s not experiencing it, so a regular reminder can keep the momentum going. Have you tried holding off or him to make the move? Maybe he expects you to make the first move and if you let him once in a while- this should help him remember that he still has the ability to catch you off guard.

If none of this works then perhaps talking to him and finding out if there is anything else going on in his life that is affecting his drive- stress, work or fatigue are all common factors for decreased libido in men.

 

 


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