Erin asks :

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now and he will not commit. He lives 20 miles away in his house and I live in mine. We are both 50. He says we will live together eventually, but I feel its always on his terms. I love him dearly but I feel i'm wasting my time and we will never be together. I've got to the point now of finishing the relationship.

Hi Erin,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you feel it's always on his terms then could you suggest a moving to a house that is located between where you both live? That way no one is moving all the way to the other's area and compromises are being made on both sides.

It sounds like he may be a man of habit and perhaps he has been in his home so long that the idea of moving is unsettling for him.

Why not tell him how it makes you feel? He may not realise that it's making you consider ending the relationship. Talk to him about how it feels for him when he considers moving home or moving in with you. If you are open and honest with each other about the worries you have around sharing a home then at least you will know if it's a fear of commitment or a fear of change or both. Then you can look to dispelling some of his fears and talk about how you plan to handle certain situations.

If neither of you discuss it in more detail then it may seem scarier for him than it actually is.


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