Dee asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 34 and I want to have sex with my new boyfriend. I have had a problem for the last year where when I have sex it hurts. My new boyfriend is very understanding and has told me he won’t have sex with me until I am sorted out because he doesn’t want to hurt me. What can I do to stop it hurting? I want to have sex with him so much I have already kept him waiting 4 months. I know he wouldn't but I’m scared in case he gets board of waiting.
Hi Dee,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There are four possible reasons for sex hurting. First, is an STI- they can make sex particularly painful so perhaps make an appointment with your doctor to get checked out if you have had unprotected sex with a previous partner.
Secondly, it could be Endometriosis- something that causes painful periods as well as lower back pain during and after sex. This is due to tissues that mimic the womb lining forming around the outside of the womb. Again if you have such symptoms, then go to your doctor and ask for a check-up.
It could also be vagninsmus- this is an involuntary tightening of the muscles around the vagina when your partner tries to enter you. It can accuse uncomfortable sex and a lack of confidence in the bedroom. If you have trouble inserting tampons then it could also be symptom of this. If you think you may be suffering from vaginismus then you can make an appointment with your doctor, gynaecologist or a sex therapist to find the root cause.
Finally you may have a vaginal infection like thrush. Most women suffer form such as this at some point in their life. Although they are considered harmless, they may cause swelling around the vagina. If you have a white cottage cheese like discharge then this is a common symptom. It generally causes discomfort during sex and as a result you may not produce enough natural lubrication for penetration. If you think you might have thrush then visit your GP to seek treatment.
If your boyfriend cares about you then he should wait as long as it takes, however it might help to show him that you are exploring all the options you can to try and help the situation.
tagged in boyfriend
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.