Emma asks :

Hi Lucy, 

Last year one of my nearest and dearest friends who I have had a casual physical relationship came out as being gay. 

It's stupid and irrational but now I can't help thinking what if my Fiancé is secretly gay too and is just with me to please his family, as he's always grumpy and never seems happy anymore. 

If my partner talks to his male friends or has a play fight my first thought is that he's secretly gay, I don't know how to get these thoughts out of my head?

 

Hi Emma,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like what happened with your friend has made you overly sensitive to the possibility of your partner doing the same thing.

Even if you were not with your friend exclusively and it was a casual thing perhaps you are afraid that it was being with you that made him gravitate towards men. He likely slept with you during a time when he was confused and was figuring out if he was gay or straight, more so than to hurt you.

It sounds like you might have some pre-existing issues in your relationship that need addressing. Perhaps you are just attributing what has happened with your friend to your partner because it's on your mind right now.

Think about how your partner was with his friends before- if they have always wrestled together, then chances are you have nothing to worry about.

If you have suddenly become openly paranoid over everything he does with his friends then he might feel stifled; like he can't be himself or spend time with his mates anymore. This may explain his change of mood.

If his mood has been like this for a while and before your friend made his announcement then it might be that you need to talk. You could sit down and ask him why he has been 'grumpy' lately and appears so unhappy. It might be work stress, something going on in his family unit or it could be something relationship related. If you can talk to him then he might open up to you and therefore give you both an opportunity to do something about it.


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