Kelsey asks :

Hi Lucy,

I’m so confused; I don’t know what to do- spend Christmas with my mum or spend it with my partner? I want to spend it with both of them but my partner is working all over Christmas and I live 144 miles away from my mum so I can’t be with both of them. My son wants to be with both of them and I just don’t know what to do.


Hi Kelsey,

 I'm so confused

I'm so confused

Christmas is always a difficult time to keep everyone happy all the time and all you can do is work with what you have.

If your partner is already working then it might be wise to see your mum when she will be free and then do the same when your partner is available. Perhaps you could have two Christmas days and save presents and some Christmassy food to recreate the day again with either your partner or your mum. That way your son will get to see everyone he wants and also enjoy two parties. It could be a way to alleviate the disappointment of not all being in the same place on Christmas day.

Have you talked to your partner or your mum about how they would feel with the above compromise? Perhaps your partner would understand that you want to spend it with your mum in their absence? Maybe they could drive to your mum's house if they have Boxing Day off so you can be together for some of the festive period?

Could your mum travel and come and stay with you so when your partner gets home you are all under the same roof?

Perhaps if you talk openly about this with everyone it will take the pressure off you a bit and you can discuss your options. It can be difficult to please everyone so if you talk about it- they might come up with some solutions themselves to help the situation. Perhaps you could arrange to do alternate years at Christmas in future if your partner might potentially have some time off in the years to come and then everyone will know when they will be seeing each other in advance.

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