Danny asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I need help. I've started a new relationship with this woman that I've fallen for so bad. We have been together 9 weeks. We have talked to each other, it’s what we both want, but she is half way through a divorce. She says I molly coddle her although we hardly see each other, what do I do? One minute we are fantastic the next when I’m not there it’s like she doesn't care. 

 

Hi Danny,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I would urge you to always be mindful of her divorce- this may make her wary about getting into another relationship too quickly. If she is still in the middle of completing it- then she may be less inclined to get too close too soon. Her last relationship isn't quite over yet in legal terms so she may not want them to overlap too much.

If it's what you both want long term, then maybe you will just have to wait a little longer before you both surrender fully to the relationship.

People have different definitions of closeness in relationships. If she thinks that you are coming on too strong, then perhaps you could ask her what she feels comfortable with and what it is you do that makes her feel overwhelmed. Everyone requires different levels of intimacy- it might be worth talking to her about what she deems is the right amount for her.

If you want more, then this may come with time, however she might want some space of her own right now. If she was with her previous partner for a while- then dating again might be something she's unpractised at.

If she doesn't make a big effort to get in touch between your meetings then it might just be that she has a lot on her plate right now. Divorce requires a lot of courage, change and questions- so she may want to box this portion of her life off before she can concentrate fully on what you have together.


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