Leanne asks :
Hi Leanne,
Should my boyfriend dictate whether I go to my best friend’s wedding?
I cheated on my boyfriend last year in an incredibly horrible way, which I deeply regret. I am due to be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding next weekend and unfortunately the two guys I cheated on him with will be there.
For that reason I can understand why he wouldn't want to go but him and his mother think that I shouldn’t go either. I think this is incredibly unfair because this woman has been my best friend for 17 years and I have the pleasure of been a bridesmaid for her. I feel that my boyfriend is asking me to choose between him and my best friend!
Hi Lucy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you believe these guys won't bother you or bring it up, then maybe it shouldn't be any cause for concern. You might be able to get through the day without seeing or speaking to them.
It is understandable that your boyfriend doesn't want you to go and be around these men again, however if you have agreed to be a bridesmaid then it's expected that you will turn up. Could you suggest that you go to the wedding ceremony and leave when the reception starts? It could be a means of compromise and might keep your friend and your boyfriend happy.
It sounds like you feel a bit outnumbered right now with both your partner and his mother agreeing on the opposite of what you want to do. Although the situation is unique- perhaps they both have friends they have known for as long as you have your friend. Would they miss out on their wedding?
Perhaps you could sit down with him and explain that you can't let your friend down. Does he have a close friend? Perhaps you could ask him how he would feel if you stopped him from going to their wedding and how that might feel.
If he thinks that being around these men might encourage you to cheat again then perhaps he never got over what happened and that might be the real issue here.
Maybe he still doesn't trust you fully- which is something that takes time and situations like this, which will test your relationship. If you can find a solution where everyone is happy- then he might see that it was about your friend and not seeing these men again.
Maybe he is feeling insecure after what happened and needs reassurance that you still care for him by asking you to choose him. It might help to tell him how you feel about him so he knows what he means to you.
tagged in Wedding boyfriend best friend
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