Mel asks :

Hi Lucy,

I recently inherited a considerable amount of money, and I would like to give my friend £1000. She has recently had a baby and whilst money is tight they are not destitute. I know she would like to have more maternity leave and hoped this gift might help. I don't intend her to pay me back, but I am worried she may feel I think she's struggling or it could dent pride or cause an imbalance in our relationship. I genuinely just want to share some of my good fortune and hoped it might be able to help her have a bit longer on maternity, pay off debts or even a holiday if she so wished. Do you think this is a good or bad idea? I intended to send a cheque with a letter explaining do you think that is the best approach? Regards Camilla

 

Hi Mel,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Letters are always a good way of explaining everything thoroughly and clearly. You can explain all the things you have to me- about spreading your good fortune, not expecting her to pay you back and why you think it will come in handy.

If she has time to read it and digest your reasons for giving her the money, then she may be more inclined to take it.

If you were to hand her the money in person and give her a little thinking time, her reaction might be to politely decline. Money can also cause a little awkwardness when exchanged in person, so perhaps you could go and see her after she has had your note for a while. A letter may give her space to think, talk to her partner and consider how the money could have an impact.

If your reasons for giving her the money are genuine then it shouldn't affect your friendship, but she may be overwhelmed at first.

One way to avoid it being awkward if she did take the money would be to not ask her what she is doing with it and let her volunteer that information. If you talked about money before, then the subject should still remain to have some sense of normality, but if you have given it to her- it's ultimately up to her how she spends it. Be aware that this may be different to how you would.


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