Beth asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I always imagined that when we retired, my husband and I would have time to do the things you normally don’t have time to do due to work commitments. 

I feel so tied down. I always wanted to travel and try new hobbies. My husband who is also retired is happy to sit at home watching TV and using his tablet. 

Neither of us drink so we have a very limited social life and do not have many close friends- mostly family. I feel cheated and angry that this time we now have together is being wasted. What should I do?

 

 

Hi Beth,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It's possible that your partner might be happy to do these things but is not good at being the one to instigate and organise them. Perhaps you could suggest traveling to a specific place, ask him if he wants to come along and make the arrangements. He might not like the planning stages of a holiday.

This may be the only way to have these trips you've been longing for together if he's not the type to take the initiative.

Something which might get him more engaged is if you bring the details up on his tablet so you can look at them together.

Another option is to try some hobbies for yourself to get you out of the house. You don't have to do everything together and you don't have to feel tied down to the things he enjoys doing.

If he likes to watch TV and go on his tablet this might be his chosen hobby. If you want one that involves meeting people and leaving the house, it might be time to look for something you've always wanted to do- writing, painting, taking up an new exercise class, a reading group, a walking group- whatever you feel like having a go at.

If you are enjoying something outside of the relationship this might just help you to shift your focus onto something more positive when you are at home.

If your partner is unwilling to go away with you, perhaps you could arrange a holiday with a friend or family member so you have company but are still able to go to the places you've always dreamed of.

Perhaps your dream needs to focus more on the place than something you were going to do together if this is not going to be an option. It might be better to go with someone who wants to be there than someone who doesn't.


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