Fred asks :
Hi Lucy,
My wife told me my eldest daughter, now 33, was by another man who she had an affair with when we were first married. We now have 4 grown up children. I am devastated and have depression. My mind is in a mess. I've had counselling and am on anti-depressants but it doesn't seem to help. Any suggestions? Thanks. Fred.
Hi Fred,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds like an awful shock to get so far into a relationship, especially when you are already emotionally fragile to begin with.
If you feel the anti-depressants are not working then perhaps go back to your doctor and ask for a change- some people are more responsive to some drugs than others- so maybe you are just not suited to the ones you are on right now.
If you have had counselling on your own, then maybe you could try some relationship counselling. Perhaps if you are finding it hard to understand why she didn’t tell you until now and why she felt the need to have an affair so early on it could help you to discuss this with her and get some clarity.
Have you talked to your wife since she told you? Perhaps this would be a good place to start, before considering counselling. Something has encouraged her to be honest with you and this could have been a decision that she has been battling with for years. You will both likely have very strong feelings around this subject so maybe try to be as patient as you can and hear each other out before making assumptions about the situation. If you have been together for a long time it seems a dreadful shame to throw it all away without being a sounding board for each other first and making a considered decision about where to go from here.
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