Mim asks :

So, my long-term boyfriend went a bit odd during the spring, claiming financial difficulties. 

I found texts on his phone from another woman he claimed was 'just a friend'. 

I lent him money like a fool before he dumped me two days before a romantic holiday that I had to go on alone and pay for. 

He's also refusing to pay back the loan. I just found out that less than 6 weeks after we split he got engaged to the 'just a friend'. 

My heart is breaking so bad and I don't know what to do. Any advice welcome because I'm really struggling to hold it together. I'm a grown woman and thought my dating days were over.

 

 

Hi Mim,

I found texts on his phone from another woman he claimed was 'just a friend'.

I found texts on his phone from another woman he claimed was 'just a friend'.

I am very sorry to hear that your heart is breaking and that you have been treated so badly.

It sounds like after everything he has done to you that you are better off without him. Consider yourself cleansed.

Better to know before you made any other commitments to one another what he was really like as a person.

Given how unkind he was to you- my suggestion would be that he isn’t worth investing anymore mental energy on.

I would think of this as a clean start. What has happened has undoubtedly been huge knock to your confidence which is why you need to invest time in you- not in him, not in what he did- but on you.  

Break ups are essentially about getting rid of old habits and making new ones- all so you don’t dwell on how you used to spend your time.  

Perhaps you could plan in some time with friends and family, take up a new hobby, join a group, do something that relaxes you or challenges you- anything that creates new memories and helps the older, more painful ones to fade. Hearts are amazing things and they do mend- even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Use this time wisely. There are lessons to be learned and an opportunity to heal if you focus on what’s important now- which is YOUR happiness and wellbeing.


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