Lucy asks :
Hello Lucy,
I'm so confused and on the verge of sabotaging my marriage and I need help. I have been with my husband for seven years and married for five. I love him with all my heart but here's the problem - I have a huge crush on his best friend who is also married. I go weak at the knees and can't concentrate if I see him. If anyone mentions his name, I have a meltdown. I love my husband and I just want these unwelcome feelings to stop. What do I do?
Hi Lucy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
As with crushes at any age or any stage of your life, it should pass. You have already acknowledged what it is so it will likely fade away in time. It is generally thought that a crush lasts around four months before the feelings start to go away so consider how long you have been feeling like this.
Perhaps try and pinpoint what it is about him that makes you go 'weak at the knees'- whatever it is could highlight the things you're missing out on with your husband. If you are able to identify what he brings you that your husband might not- this could be a point of conversation with your partner and something to work on. There are things to be learned from a crush so it's important to explore what might have brought it about and what it says about your marriage.
Depending on your relationship with your husband, you may or may not be able to tell him about this crush. If not, then you can simply bring the issues to the table in a more general way. But if you can- this might introduce an element of honesty to your relationship- if you can both acknowledge crushes as they happen rather than keeping them from each other.
Try to remember that crushes are based largely on fantasies, which are far removed from the day-to-day workings of a committed relationship. This always makes the grass look greener when the reality of being with them might be very different.
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