Sammy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years. I love him with all my heart but I don’t find him sexually attractive anymore! We have sex but I only do it to save the arguments. I find that I’m constantly looking at other men and have even started talking to someone else. Though I don’t want to leave my boyfriend, I want to have a sex life again! Please help me.
Hi Sammy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
What is it that you don't find sexually attractive anymore? Is it his appearance? Is it what he does to you in bed? Is it his attitude towards sex? It might help to figure out what it is that turns you off him now that didn't before. It is never easy to hear that your partner is not attracted to you or something you do so you might have to handle this one carefully if you decide to talk to him about it. It helps to know exactly what it is that has changed for you over the last few years.
Have you considered some couple's sex therapy? Relate is a good place to start and you can find one local to you on their website. This might help you talk about your sex life more openly and allow an impartial person to look at your situation and explore what has caused this outcome.
You mention that having no sex causes arguments- maybe your partner already senses that you have sex as a preventative measure rather than out of enjoyment. He may also feel that you have problems and be willing to work with you to get back what you once had.
You say you don't want to leave, so its sounds like if there was something you could do- you would. Counselling might be the solution to stop you from looking elsewhere and talking to other men while you are with your boyfriend.
It is tempting to look outside of your relationship and see better things when it is not going your way, however if you are willing to put in the time and effort then you may find in future you don't need to.
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