Eve asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently quit my job because I had problems with my boss. I used to get along really well with everyone there. A few of the girls formed a group, basically a clique I suppose. While I was working at this job (hair and beauty salon) I got along fine with this group, they even included me in a few outings. Since leaving however, I feel like they don't want anything to do with me. I think I've just lost a group of friends and I don't know why.
Luckily, I've managed to stay friends with at least one person there. I'm not very social by nature, I've always been able to get along with people I work with, and I do want to maintain friendships in life. I'm just not sure how to do so or how to work out who’s a real friend and who I should be careful of.
Hi Eve,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It can be a lot easier to maintain friendships when you see the people at work because everyone is there already. You often don't have to put in too much of an effort to make arrangements outside of the workplace because it can be a natural extension of your day together.
Perhaps since leaving, the group has not gone out of their way to include you because they might still be thinking within their little bubble of the salon.
There are lots of reasons they may have dialled back their friendship with you- they might be jealous that you had the courage to leave and they didn't or that your leaving had something to do with them, or that you want a fresh start. They may be loyal to the boss and not agree with the conditions under which you left. You may never know until you ask them- if you feel the need to find out why. Chances are they may all be of the same opinion if they generally adopt the same attitude toward people.
It might be worth asking yourself if the one who has stayed your friend is doing so for the right reasons. Is she truly a friend or is she reporting back about you to the others? She may be genuine but it might be in your best interests to be careful what you tell her, as it may get back to people you don't want it to.
If she really does want to be friends, then it might be a better use of your time to channel your energies into this relationship rather than the ones with the others- so the feeling is mutual.
If you are not a very sociable person then maybe you will thrive in a smaller friendship group than a bigger one.
Perhaps this is an indication that this chapter of your life has finished and you are about to embark on a fresh one in a new job with new people. It could be that you have outgrown the friendship group and needed to move on; maybe they recognise that too.
tagged in Friends
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