SDW asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I'm always the one initiating things with my hubby for intimacy, of every kind. It's so incredibly demoralising and I feel as though he's not interested in me. I've tried bringing this up with him, we had a big argument over it and things did improve for about 2 weeks, which were 2 fantastic weeks, but now it's back to how it was before and it's horrid. I almost wish things hadn't improved because that way I'd not know he is actually capable of that level of intimacy. I really need some advice.

 

Hi SDW,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I would suggest making an appointment with a sex counsellor at somewhere like Relate. As you say, it does sounds like he is still capable of the type of intimacy you crave and for a prolonged period, however something is stopping him from doing it on a regular basis. It might help to discuss this with an impartial person and explore the route cause as well as how it makes you feel in your marriage.

Perhaps consider how the conversation goes when you do bring it up. Do you openly blame him for the lack of intimacy in your relationship? If so then it might be better to talk about how much you miss him and what you used to have so it doesn't dent his confidence and push all the guilt onto him.

This should take away any perceived criticism and encourage him to think back to times he also enjoyed and what you could achieve when you both put your heart and soul into your love life.

Perhaps the nature of your last conversation was the cause of such a passionate two weeks. Maybe novelty of make-up sex kept the momentum going for so long. Although this is a valid time to have sex, to release recent frustrations, unfortunately it doesn't always sort out the problem. Maybe you could talk to him about what changed for him in those two weeks? It might help to give you a better understanding of his motivations then and now.


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