Teniqua asks :

Hi Lucy,

My boyfriend can't seem to trust me no matter how hard I try to prove myself. Whenever guys comment on my photos on Facebook & Instagram I delete them, I ignore all inboxes, texts, everything. I even deactivated Facebook & just use snapchat & Instagram occasionally. But he still gets insanely jealous, even though he can see everything that's going on. We see each other regularly & apart from these jealous times we're really, really, really good, no fighting at all, just over social media. What can I do to make him trust me? Or even begin to consider trusting me? I'm sick of hurting him :(

 

Hi Teniqua,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like he may have residual trust issues from a previous relationship. If his last girlfriend cheated on him then maybe it has made him very sensitive to it happening again. It may not be a reflection of how much he trusts you but the motivations of other men around you that worries him the most.

Does he lack confidence? If he has low self-esteem then he may not think he is good enough of you and that you could do better. That it's just a matter of time before you will see it from his point of view and move on. The bottom line is; if you thought the same, you could have left him by now. Perhaps what you need to work on is trying to help boost his self-worth by telling how much you love him and how there is no one else- if that's how you feel. Regular words of reassurance can go a long way in a relationship because it makes your partner feel safe and loved.

Facebook can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship- although everything is transparent because all comments and likes can be attributed to a person- there is no explanation. Because of this, a stray 'like' or a random comment can be taken completely out of context.

If you work on his confidence in the relationship then in time he should cope better with social media. For now, it might help to dial it back, however if you enjoy going on there you should not have to stop it completely. You have no control over who likes you pictures other than unfriending every man on your Facebook.

It seems that social media is not the problem here it's just something to hide behind when what he really needs is to work on his own feelings about himself first.


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