Nalini asks :
Hey Lucy,
I am stuck in a rather weird situation. 5 years back I fell in love with one of my classmates in college while he was already in on-off relationship with a girl.
Meantime, I tried to reject the feelings about him but to no use. He made me feel very special at times and we became friends. I thought maybe he had feelings for me too as he use to text me beautiful things. He was always be at my doorstep when I needed him. He hugged me like he never wanted to let go.
One day I asked him what was actually going on. He indirectly said he doesn't feel like that about me. He was trying to mend relations with that other girl.
This girl went abroad and they were in a long distance relationship. They used to meet once a year. Even after I confessed and he said he didn’t love me the way I need him too, he wanted to stay friends but I didn’t. Later the same year another guy proposed me and though I was in dilemma I got married to him.
Over the 3 years we only messaged each other on our birthdays. We never called or texted. I started facing marital issues with my husband and I decided to separate from him.
As my friend I told him about this and he immediately came down to visit me. It felt just like before again. I feel I am still in love with him and I still feel he doesn't love me the way he did. Still I am imagining the scenarios of being with him all my life. I know I am being stupid but I can't stop these feelings. I need to concentrate on my career I know that. But even after so many years I am not able to let go :(
Hi Nalini,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you need to make a decision of whether you want him in your life as a friend or whether you could move on faster if he was no longer part of it.
When you were in lesser contact did things feel easier for you or not?
You could ask him again if his feelings have changed, however if he confirms they haven't a second time it might set you back even further.
It may or may not have been the demise of your relationship with your husband however it sounds like it may have been a factor. Perhaps you compared your husband to him and he didn't meet your high expectations? Maybe you compare all prospective dates to him?
If you are always hanging on the hope that he will change his mind you will never be able to move on. It's great that you know what you want from a relationship, however perhapsyou need to look at it as attributes you're looking for rather than a whole person, or no one will ever match up.
If what you are looking for is a good friend and someone will be there for you- these are positive things to look for in future partner and other people will embody these traits.
If you are at the start of a career path, it's important to concentrate on it, of course, however I would say try to find a balance for you. Try to value and nature yourself, by embracing hobbies, doing things with friends and family and make the most of you.
The chances of you finding someone else while your still thinking about another man are low, because it may be obvious to a new man that you're pining after someone else.
Try to find happiness that starts with you and is not affected by someone else being in your life or not, by doing things that bring a smile to your face and spending time with people who make you feel good.
tagged in Love
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