Sharon asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm 46 and have been on my own (by choice) for the last 4 years since my marriage ended.
After a holiday back in July I realised I need more in my life, so with some encouragement from friends of friends I met a guy through them.
He awakened feelings in me that I hadn't felt for a long time. He'd bombard me with texts most days and I enjoyed the attention.
I had a gut feeling he was a player but I went with the flow and enjoyed our time together. I let him sweep me off my feet, stupidly.
A few days ago I did a bit of digging on social media (should've listened to my gut feelings) and there he is with his fiancée!! Pictures of their engagement in July and holiday in August!
I felt sick to my stomach - he started seeing me only 7 weeks after getting engaged! I text him the next morning and just said I would've never gone near him if I'd known he had a girlfriend, let alone a fiancée- he's only been engaged to since July - disgusting!
As soon as the message was delivered I blocked his number because I didn't want to hear his response, if I got one. Later that day I noticed he'd set his Facebook page to private so all those pictures aren't visible anymore.
I'm swinging between being upset, angry and downright miserable. It was a big step for me going out with someone after four years and I don't know how I'm ever going to trust anyone again.
And why would he start messing about with someone else only 7 weeks after getting engaged! Confused & cross.
Hi Sharon,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is understandable that you feel all of these things.
The positive in this situation is that you now know the real him and were able to walk away from this while his fiancé might not even know he has been unfaithful.
With all that said, not all men are like him, so this is not a reflection of how your relationships are going to be from now on.
Perhaps you were swept up with the idea of 'wanting more' and this distracted you from investigating into his life further.
What I would say is you admit that you knew there was something not right about him. It may be worth trusting your gut if you ever feel this way about someone again- you might just be right about them not being for you.
It seems that your friends were instrumental in setting this up. Perhaps in future it may help you to keep them out of it and pursue someone via another method like a reputable dating site.
You are entitled to have mixed feelings about what he did to you- but the alternative could have been far worse- not knowing about this other relationship until things got more serious between you both.
Perhaps take this as a lesson learned and pay closer attention to your instincts about people when dating as this could prevent more hurt down the line.
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